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If You Let Me Inside Your World

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 23:44:12 -0400

Chapter 4

I awoke the next morning with groggy eyes. It felt like I only had a short few hours of sleep. I looked over at the nightstand. 7:00 am. It didn’t help that I couldn’t fall asleep until just a few hours ago. Great. But somehow I managed to pull myself out of bed and go start the water for my shower. As I waited for it to heat up, I walked out into the living area to check on my mother.
“AHHHH, Gwoud mohing mahm” You say as your yawn.
She looked over at me with all smiles. “Are you ready for today?” she asked.
I had just gotten my nerves under control, now thanks to her it was back up front in my mind and I could feel my stomach start to turn again.
I didn’t answer her. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was so nervous. And I also didn’t want to lie by saying I wasn’t. I just wanted to go, and do me.
Instead I just let a small “humf” out and went into my warm shower and tried not to think…about anything.
After 20 minutes later and coconut butter scented skin, I walked out into my room wearing my complimentary robe and noticed I had 3 missed calls already. At 7:40Am? Of course, it was Scooter. I hesitated on calling him back. Hearing his voice might bring back on the nerves. But I do anyways.

It only took one ring. Faster than yesterday.

“Hey! Good morning”
It was too early for somebody to be that perky.
I chuckled for a second then finally spoke into phone, “Good morning Scooter, I think it’s illegal to be calling somebody this early. Chances are, no ones up at this hour!”
“Well you’re up aren’t you?”
I hesitated. Oh no he was about to make a point and I wouldn’t be able to win this war. “Yes but,” he cut me off,
“Yes but you were up! End of story. Besides I knew you’d be too excited to sleep, I kinda know how teenagers work. I work with one for a living.”

He’s got a point there. If I was back at home I would have slept in till 11:00Am. Maybe I was mistaking my nerves today for excitement.

“Anyways,” he continued, “Doors open her at 10:00Am, but I think it’d be awesome if you could come in a little earlier. Maybe meet Justin, get comfortable. This is your first time rising up to anything like this, and it can be pretty scary.”
It was as if he were the little butterflies flying around my stomach, tickling the edges.
“So what do you say? Come through around 9:00 am?”
The answer flew out of my mouth before I realized the answer I gave him. I had to wait for his reaction to remember if I said yes or no!

“Great!” He shouted, still to perky. “Call me when you’re out front & I’ll come get you!”

I heard the phone click on the other end, and I did the same. I put the phone down, and then just sat on the edge of my bed for a second. I felt a little dizzy. It’s all starting to hit me. In about an hour I will begin to officially reach out for my dream. Whether it reaches back and pulls me aboard is the part that scares me.

I spent the next 45 minutes trying to keep myself busy.
-Facebook
-Twitter
-Tumblr
-even the news, anything to keep my mind off things

Mindy was nice enough to wake up early to Skype with me. The time difference meant it was an hour earlier where she was. She wished me luck and told me to Dream big, & Never say Never. We laughed at the irony in those sayings, seeing as my fate soon lies in the hands of that same 16 year old.
I watched as the minute hand switched over to 8:45. I walked out in the living room and glanced over at my mom. “It’s time”. She smiled and reassured me that I would do great, and that all of the other dancers had some tough competition to beat. I laughed remembering Justin told me that everyone else was tough to beat. Moms…
She gave me a kiss on the forehead, explaining that she didn’t want to smear her lipstick. Oh boy, only one day in the city and she’s already acting like these people. And since when does she wear lipstick? She walked me out to the curb and helped flag down a cab. I told her I wanted to do this by myself today; I argued that in a short few months I will be 18. I need to practice being an adult. And if my dreams do come true after today, I want to look back & be proud that I did it all on my own. Without help from my “mommy”.
The studio was only a couple blocks away, but that was enough to get me lost if I had decided to walk. The cab pulled to the curb and I paid the short funny looking man. I stepped out of the cab and stood tall and proud. I gave myself a pep talk.
“Christina. This is it. Everything you ever dreamed, everything you worked hard for these past 14 years. Your dreams are only 15 steps in front of you. All you gotta do is believe in yourself. Ready or not.”

I stood outside the front of the building for what seemed like forever as I waited for Scotter to meet me. Finally I could faintly see Scooter’s face through the glass door coming towards me. He was smiling. So I smiled back.
“You’re late.” His voice sounded sharp, and his smile quickly turned down.
My eyes widened. I could feel the color leave my face, then quickly flush with red.
I looked down at my phone. It was only 9:04am.
“Hah, I’m just kidding!” His smile came back and he let out a laugh. I just stood there. He waved his hand and led me into the building. There were a few people already starting to line up outside to get a good spot.
“So how do you feel about today? You excited? Nervous?” He asked as held open the door for me. I gave him a smile. And then begin to tell him a lie, “I’m actually not nervous, but definitely excited.” He couldn’t tell.
“Ok so before we go in and meet everyone first, I just kind of want to you give the basics of how today will go.”

My heart started to race. I don’t like details. Not when I’m nervous.

“You’re going to be getting a number. The first round you’ll be learning a routine close to what we do. You’ll then be performing it. We’re just looking to make sure we get people with the dance skills & can match the styles.”

I laughed and thought to myself, “Piece of cake” but it was just another lie.

“From there we will be making a decision.”

We went through a heavy door and started to walk down a wide hallway. Various equipment sat along the walls making the hall narrower at parts. I could faintly hear voices in the distance. I looked down and saw a light from underneath the door we stopped at. The name plate read ‘Employees Only’. Scooter opened the door and I followed him in.
Who were all these people? They seemed to be having some sort of breakfast. Out of the many voices talking I could faintly pick out one over the rest. Justin’s. I knew that voice anywhere. But where was he? I looked around and could pick him out. I turned around to look back at Scooter, except it wasn’t Scooter.
“Hey! You must be Christina, I’m Justin” He smile went on for miles.
Whoa. When did Justin get….so handsome? Was his voice even deeper since his last album? In my head I had a picture of a short 15 year old with longer hair and a squeakier voice. No wonder I couldn’t pick him out. A lot can change in almost 2 years. His face was thinner, his hair was shorter, and his voice had surely changed. I quickly became even more nervous. I put my hand out to shake his, instead he put his arms out and walked torwards me for a hug.
“Any friend of Scooters is a friend of mine, and friends are worth more than a handshake.” He made me blush. The hug lasted a few more seconds then it should have. Or maybe it was all in my head. He smelled of vanilla and something else I couldn’t quick think of. But definitely sweet. And warm, his whole body warm to the touch.
I looked around and Scooter was on the phone. I looked back to Justin who took my hand and led me over to a group of people sitting on sofas and casually talking.
“Hey guys. This is Christina, the one Scooter told us about.” Why was Scooter telling everyone about me? I got pleasant smiles and multiple hellos in return.
We circulated the room and continued to meet all the great people who made up Justin’s team. I was greatful enough to meet his mother, Pattie. She was absolutely gorgeous. When she smiled you could see in her eyes a genuine soul. She wished me luck, then excused herself as her phone began to ring.
I met Ryan Good next. How do I even begin to explain Ryan? His hair was tousled as if he just rolled out of bed. When I made a comment on it he pointed out that he works hard to get that look and took 5minutes to explain in detail exactly how to do it. There were a lot of yelling and major hand gestures involved which got everyone laughing.
Then comes Kenny. He reminded me of a teddy bear. He was warm, and kind. He spoke with a softer voice and seemed down to earth.
Where was Justin’s dad? I thought. But I didn’t ask though.

Time flew by and Scooter interrupted. “It’s almost 10 Im gonna go ahead and take you back out before we let everyone come in and we get started.”
I smiled and Justin gave me a hug. He whispered in my ear, “ Good luck” and gave me a tight squeeze. Scooter and I walked back out in the lobby area and he opened the doors. As people began to enter he directed them to table for registration and to fill out applications. I grabbed mine and began reading the questions

-Your basic information
-Dance experience
-Why you love dance?
-Why are you interested in today’s position?
-What makes you deserving of it?
-How committed would you be willing to be?

That last question made me start to question my self. How committed could I be? I was only 17 years old. I was still in high school and live in another state. I looked around and felt my stomach drop. I was also the youngest one here. Everyone around me had lifestyles that would allow then to put everything they had into this. My confidence dropped and I began to doubt in myself. Just was right, there was a lot of good competition to beat. I told myself I would still go through with it, for the experience. But I wasn’t getting my hopes up.
Scooter returned. He instructed for everyone to line up, in front of the doors of either three studio rooms.As they entered they would exchange their apps for a number and take a seat on the floor for warms. 007. That was the number I was given. I smiled. 7 was my favorite number. I took a seat and began independently stretching. Two people came in and began giving out instructions.
“Alright we’re going to run through the dance one time and begin breaking down the steps, if you can’t keep up, then you can leave”
Harsh. But I wasn’t worried. My ballet teacher stops showing the routine once we hit Advanced levels. She gives it to us verbally. So I felt confident.
We were only given 30 minutes to learn and perfect it. It was then time to perform it. We entered a separate room as numbers were called. I was in the first group. My heart was pounding, I could feel it through my whole body. As I walked through the doors I looked to my right a saw the faces who sat me hind the table. Justin, Scooter, Ryan, and two other females I didn’t get the chance to meet earlier. We lined up and one by one gave names and city or Metro area you were from. “Christina, Chicago IL.” Justin smiled at me. We looked at each other and all my worries washed away. I was no longer nervous. The music began to blast and we all started in perfect unison.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Fri, 10 Aug 2012 01:01:47 -0400

Chapter 3

“Uh uh. No, there’s no way our seventeen year old daughter is flying half way across the country by herself, just to chase a dream that will get crushed. She’s not going.” My dad argued as he passed back and forth through the kitchen.
“But I wouldn’t be alone! One of you would have to come with, since I’m under 18.” I said in defense.
“See Dan, she wouldn’t be alone. Come on, there’s nothing wrong with a child going after something they want.” My mother said, standing up for me.
“Exactly, a child. Diane, she’d probably be the only ‘child’ at this thing. Someone older and more experienced will come in and shine above her. She’s going to come back here with nothing but a broken heart.”
“She’ll never know unless she tries Dan. This Scooter guy picked her out of a crowd and saw something in her. That means something if you ask me.”
In the middle of their argument, the door bell rung.
“That’s him.” I said. “Dad, can you please just have an open mind to all of this?” I asked
“Alright, but if he he’s better looking, and has more hair than me, no way.” He laughed.
I shook my head, letting out a chuckle as I walked to the front door. As I opened it, I saw Scooter standing on the other side, dressed up in a suit and tie, ready to present the deal of a lifetime to my parents.
“Good luck” I whispered to him before patting him on the back and walking up stairs to my room.
It felt like I had been waiting up there for hours.
“What do you think is taking them so long?” Mindy asked as I talked to her on the phone. “I should have come over, I could have helped Scooter out, been his wing women. I can put up a pretty convincing argument if you ask me.”
“More like scare people into saying yes.” I said under my breath.
“What do you thinks going on down there?” Mindy asked again.
“I don’t know, but you’re not helping my nerves right now, I’ll call you back when I get an answer from them.” I hung up the phone before she could say anything more.
I hopped off my bed and found myself pacing the floors of my room. I was counting on Scooter to convince my parents that something like this would only come around once in a lifetime. It’s something I’ve been working for my whole life.
“Christina!” I heard my mother calling my name from the bottom of the stairs, “Can you come down here?”
I slowly walked down the hall, there were probably 30 steps left until I would get my answered.

I slide open the cover to the window on the plane window, nearly gasping at the majestic beauty before my eyes. The plane is high above the clouds & the sun is shining. It looked like endless miles of perfect fallen snow. My forehead leaned up again the warm glass as I slowly closed my eyes.
I don’t know what Scooter had said to my parents to convince them, but I was thankful that it worked.
I pinched my arm one last time, making sure that I was actually sitting on this flight to Atlanta before allowing myself to drift off to sleep.
It had only felt like my eyes were shut for a few short minutes when my mother nudged me with her elbow to tell that the plan would be landing shortly. My seat returned to its natural position as I pressed the button on my arm rest and my toes curled as I stretched my legs.
“Thanks Mom, for letting me do this! And thanks for coming with” I said smiling at her.
“Of course sweetie. I know this is your dream. And I wouldn’t let you miss out on it”
She put her arm around my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Auditions didn’t start until tomorrow but I could already feel the nerves building up. And by the looks of it, my mother might have been just as nervous for me.
After nearly 3 hours on that plane, the actual touch of sunlight felt wonderful on my skin as I stepped out of the terminal and out into the street. When I opened my eyes back up, I found my mother trying her best to catch us a cab. We weren’t the city type, and we definitely never had to take a taxi cab before. I laughed to myself before figuring I should walk on over and help her out.
As we drove to the hotel, I made sure to call Scooter before it had gotten any later. After only 2 rings he picked up
“Hello?”
“Hey Scooter it’s Christina! We’re in Atlanta.” It was loud in the background and it was hard to hear him but I had managed to pick out a few key words.

“Call, later, Justin, meet, before, hotel, package, so call, later.” CLICK

I lifted the phone off of my ear and gave it a funny look, completely confused by the whole conversation. I tried to put it all together in my head, but we were closer to the hotel than I thought and the cab driver had pulled in front by the time the call with Scooter ended. I crawled out of the back after my mother and walked around to the trunk. I tried grabbing my luggage, but before I could grasp the handle, a bell man stepped out in front of me and grabbed it, putting it on a cart.
“How fancy” My mother whispered as she leaned in close to me.
I saw the bell man trying to hide his smile as he signaled us to follow him into the lobby. I walked through the front doors and couldn’t help but look up. The ceiling seemed so high, with countless windows letting in the mid-day sun. Everyone around me looked as if they were off to somewhere more important as they wore fashioned off expensive name brand clothing. Suddenly I felt as though my jean shorts and T-shirt should have been left back in Appledale.
After finally settleing into our hotel room closed my eyes as I began to fall back onto the bed. I heard something bounce and quickly sit back up and looked behind my back.

There sat two envelopes

The first one held a letter written Scooter:
Thanks for coming down to Atlanta. Can’t wait for you to bring it at auditions. If you’re half the dancer you were the day I saw then I know you’ll rock. Put in this DVD and study it.
Scooter

And the second envelope had a special letter from Justin himself:
Scooter’s done nothing but talk about you for the past week. He says you’re a sick dancer, and talented for a young age. Can’t wait to see what you bring to the table tomorrow. You’re up against a lot of competition, but if this is your dream then you got to give it your all. Dream big!
Justin

I held the letter close to my chest as I found myself smiling ear to ear. Tomorrow would be one of the biggest days of my life, and I could hardly wait. I looked back down at Justin’s letter and I lie onto my side and read the words that were written across the page until my eyes were forced to close.

Hello sexy lovers ;)

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 01:05:21 -0400

It’s time for some short stories!

on top of me posting, I want YOU to share as well.
So send in your one shots (story that only takes a single chapter) HERE.

Anon or not, I will post EVERYTHING I get.
So don’t be shy, let your inner author out ;)

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 00:57:36 -0400

Chapter 2

‘Scooter Braun, Projects-full service entertainment & marketing company.’
That’s what his card read.
“I must say, Christina was it? You are very talented.” He complemented.
I was still staring down at his business card, shaking myself out of my own concentration, “Oh, thank you!” I said, my cheeks slightly turning pinker.
“May I ask how old you are?”
I stood there a little hesitant. “Seventeen.”
“A little younger than I was looking for…” he quietly said under his breath.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
He smiled back at me. He looked harmless, and slightly familiar.
“I work in talent management. And I might have a proposition for you”
“A proposition? Like what, a scholarship?” I asked. I was confused by what he meant.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mindy walking up the street, she had the same look on her face that I probably had. Talking to strange older men in Chicago usually never ends well for beautiful young ladies.
But with my hand down at my side, I gave her an ‘okay’ with my thumb, before she tried to rescue me.
“I work for a very prestigious client,” Scooter continued to explain, “and we’ve recently come to a sort of ‘crises’. We have a tour coming up in some number of months and one of our star dancers broke his foot and won’t recover in time. We’re holding open auditions, but I’m hoping if I get out and scout some young, fresh talent, our chances of finding someone will be greater.”
I put my hand up out in front of my chest, telling him to slow down. Clients, crises, broken feet. He was going too fast for any of this to make sense.
“I’m sorry, who did you say your client was?” I asked, trying to make the pieces fit the puzzle.
“Justin Bieber.” I saw him squint his eyes, preparing for me to squeal. Instead, I heard Mindy behind my back let out a gasp and come running over. I knew she was ease dropping the whole time.
I took a moment for myself to find my breath. My hand clenched my chest while my other hand touched my forehead, which was now spinning.
“I’m sorry did you say Justin Bieber?” I asked, making sure I heard him right.
“Yeah, did you just say Justin Bieber, as in “perfectly tasseled hair’ Justin Bieber?” Mindy jumped in.
Scooter laughed, expecting the response we were giving, “Yes. Justin Bieber.” He repeated.
“I would love to fly you out to Atlanta next weekend and have you attend our auditions that we are holding” He suggested, looking back my way.
“SHE WOULD LOVE TO!” Mindy blurted out, before I elbowed her in the ribs lightly.
“wow..” I whispered.
“It’s just an audition. But I think it would be worth a shot, don’t you?”
Don’t I? I repeated in my head. Well of course I did. This was a chance I had been dreaming of getting since I was a little girl. Dancing as a career? How could I not take this chance?
“But of course, you are still a minor, so I would have to get verbal permission from a parent or legal guardian.”
“Here, here’s her address! Come, come whenever you’d like!” Mindy said as she wrote down my house number and tossed it to Scooter.
“Well, I’m in town for a few more days; I’ll give you a call before stopping by. It was a pleasure meeting you, both of you.” He said, laughing as he nodded towards Mindy.

We watched as Scooter disappeared down the road before finally letting out a scream.
My head was beginning to feel dizzy again, and I felt short of breath.
“You’re doing this, you have too.” Mindy shouted.
She was right.
My dreams were just standing in front of me, begging for me to chase after them…all the way to Atlanta.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 00:36:34 -0400

Chapter 1

It was 7:30am. The annoying buzz of my alarm clock made its way into my dream, causing it to once again wake me up before it could end. I somehow managed to drag myself out from under my covers and make my way down the hall to the bathroom. As the water for my shower heated up, I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I let out a funny face when I inspected the hot mess on top of my head.
Then my mind started to wonder as my lips parted up to a smile.
Today was the big day.
I’ve been rehearsing nonstop for the past 3 months, preparing for today’s workshop.

Dance was my everything. It was my first love and I could never imagine giving it up or trading it in for anything else. People ask me all the time how I first started out. I wish I could tell them an amazing story, about a 10 year old girl at her first ballet. A girl who watched so diligently as the ballerina’s floated across the stage, making 50 fuettes look effortlessly. I wish I could have been that girl who turned to her mother and whispered, “I want to be a ballerina.” But I wasn’t. I didn’t really have a story. I guess when I was little, I was shy. So on my 3^rd birthday, my mother marched into the local dance studio and signed me up. Not only did it help me overcome being shy, but it turned into a 14 year obsession. I eat, breath, sleep dance. And today I was finally able to perform in my first workshop.

Every year the juniors and seniors from our studio take a trip to downtown Chicago to take part in Juilliard’s annual ‘Dancing through Life’ workshop. It’s where students from all over come to showcase their talent. And the audience is filled with people who can change your life. Seniors are offered scholarship’s or jobs after high school and Junior’s show a promising return for next year’s show.

I was ready to show the world what I got, but first…a shower.
By the time I got out, I was already running late. I had a dozen missed calls from Mindy to make sure I didn’t over sleep as I did too often.
“Hey you called?”
“Yeah I just wanted to make sure you actually set your alarm clock today.” She said Teasing.
“Don’t worry, I did! But thanks for checking. You’re picking me up right?” I asked.
“Yeah I’m leaving here in an hour. Please be ready when I get there. For somebody who’s afraid of being late to places, you sure have horrible time management skills!”
“Oh shut up, I’ll see you in a bit!”

I hung up the phone before she could say anymore witty remarks.
Mindy was my best friend. Now, I know how much people just throw the word ‘best friend’ around. But when I say Mindy is my best friend, you better believe I literally mean she is the best of all my friends.
Me and Mindy have been ‘Me and Mindy’ since, well since the beginning.
One day in dance class, she turned left when I turned right. And we’ve nearly been attached at the hip ever since.

I walked across my room to my dresser and opened the top drawer. I pulled out my tights and grabbed a pair of leggings. In my closet I found my leotard and my dance shorts would pop up eventually.
I reached under my bed to grab a small long box that read “Bloch” along the side. I pulled out my brand new Pointe shoes and laid the unsewn ribbons off the side.
It is unheard of for a dancer to go right up on new shoes. It was practically like foot suicide, especially if it’s for a performance. You had to make sure that they are properly prepared and broken in. I learned that lesson during my first year I was put on Pointe.
But I didn’t have any choice. The wooden block in my other shoes broke last week, and not performing this weekend just was not an option.

I pulled out the sewing kit from my side drawer and began to attach the ribbons, careful not to prick myself with the needle. After that, I took my shoes outside to the drive way. I sat down on the warm pavement and began to pound the shoe over and over again on the cement. It was the only thing hard enough to soften the block. I rubbed the platform against the rough texture of the drive to help create the traction that I would need to not fall. If anyone was to drive by, believe me, I looked like a nut.

By the time I got back in the house, my hair had finally dried enough to pull it back and wrapped it around into a bun. After a few bobby pins to secure its hold, I was finally ready…and I was actually early for once. I ran down the stairs and followed sweet scents that lead me into the kitchen.
    “Mmm, cinnamon rolls! Morning mother, morning dad.” I said as hugged each of them.
“Good morning daughter.” They both said in perfect unison.
   “So are you nervous?” My mother asked.
“Mom!” I exclaimed. “I wasn’t until you said something.”
     “W ell you shouldn’t be, you’re a beautiful dancer. And isn’t next year the year that really counts?.”
I rolled my eyes as I grabbed myself a roll off the cookie sheet and sat at the table with them, “You’re my mother. It’s your job to say things like that. And if anything it’s your junior show that’s more important. If somebody likes my dancing, they’ll come back next to offer me a scholarship and spot in a company!”
   “Well either way, you’ll do great. Oh and before you get comfortable, Mindy’s in the driveway, she honked for you about 5 minutes ago.”
I jumped up out of my seat, leaving my breakfast right where it was and grabbed my bags.
“What! I thought I was running early!” I screamed. “Bye mom, bye dad!”
   “BREAK A LEG” they said, and once again, in unison.

I ran out to the end of the driveway where I saw Mindy sitting in her car, looking a little less than pleased. She threw up her arms, pretending to point to a watch while I shouted out “I’m sorry”.
I plopped my bags in her back seat and hopped in.
   “Ew, you actually like this teeny bopper they call a pop singer?” I said, making fun of her music selection she had playing through the speakers.
   “His name is Justin Bieber thank you very much, and maybe if you’d use the internet here and there instead of stalking Max’s Facebook all the time, you’d know that Justin doesn’t look like a girl anymore. He finally hit puberty, and my oh my, that boy has been blessed with good looks!”
I raised my up onto the dash and rolled my simultaneously. “Okay, first off, I’m not ‘stalking’ his profile. I just go on it from time to time to see if he and Megan broke up yet.”
   “You really should try and get over him. It’s been months since you two broke up. Sooner or later you’ll find another guy and Max won’t be nothing but a name to you.” Mindy said.
   Yeah right, I thought to myself. Coming from a small town just outside of the city, you’ve either dated everyone there is to date, or you’re related to them. Let’s face it; if I even plan on having a real life, I needed to get the hell out of Appledale, and fast!

After sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the highway, we finally made our way downtown and found decent parking a few blocks away from the theater. My bag was heavy, filled with my make-up, bottles of hairspray, and probably 6 pairs of shoes, one for every style of dance I did.
When we arrived inside, we found our way backstage and noticed some of the other girls from our studio had already been there.
“So do you think anyone’s going to get recognized tonight?” Mindy whispered as she leaned into my shoulder.”
I finished applying my cherry red lipstick before shrugging my shoulder’s, “I sure hope so, it’s been 2 years since anybody from our studio’s been offered anything out of high school.”
“Rumor has it, someone’s already contact Hailey with a scholarship offer after she graduates next year and they’re coming here to watch her perform.” Mindy clued me in.
“Really? Better keep your fingers crossed for her then!”

“Appledale School of Dance, 5 minutes till curtain.”

All of us girls stood up and got into a circle. We crossed our arms and bowed our head as our teacher lead in a prayer. And before heading out onto the stage, we gave each other one final squeeze.

When the workshop was all said and done, all the participants stayed around for the possible chance to meet somebody who could soon change their life. I waited and waited, but soon lost hope. I looked over my shoulder and noticed both Hailey and Mindy talking to someone, so I picked up my bag and texted Mindy that I would meet her back at the car.

The sun was beginning to set as I was walking the streets of Chicago. For some reason, the hairs on the back of my neck began to tingle, giving me an eerie feeling that somebody was following me. But when I turned around, nobody was in sight. I took a few more steps, when I turned around again. I don’t know what it was that cause me to turn, but I did. And this time someone was there. I started taking faster steps, uping my pace. I finally got back to the car and started digging around my bag looking for Mindy’s car keys. I searched faster when I could hear footsteps coming up behind me. Found them!
But I pulled them out so fast I flung them right out of my hands and onto the ground. I bent down to pick them up but when I stood back up, my mystery follower was standing right in front of me.
“Excuse me, miss?” he asked.
“Sorry, I’m in a big hurry. A REAL big hurry!” I stuttered as I opened the door.
“Wait!” He exclaimed. He had grabbed my arm by the elbow and turned me around. I squeezed my eyes closed as I held the keys tight in my hand and whispered “please don’t hurt me.”
“Hurt you?” He laughed. “No. My name is Scooter Braun. There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”

I opened my eyes to see he finally let go of my arm. He was wearing a suite and held out a business card.
I apologetically smiled as I took the card from his hand. “Hi. I’m Christina.”

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:58:21 -0400

Chapter 59

It was great having Justin back home again. And I knew he felt the same way.
Those next few days, I cherished every touch, every look. And after a few weeks, Justin became busy again, with his Christmas album about to be released. Sure there a few days I never got to see the hazel in his eyes or that cute dimple on the left side of his smile, but it made the day after those, that much better. I learned how to appreciate how hard Justin worked and that he did it all for his fan, opps, I mean Beliebers. The bitter and impatient side of me seemed to no longer exist. I knew nothing but better days were ahead of us.
And I was right. A few months had passed by now, and Christmas was only days away.
I ran around my room frantically searching for my phone.
“Come on, come on. Where is it? Oh!” I said out loud to myself.
I quickly ran my finger down my call log and dialed Caitlin’s number.
“Hello?” she answered on the first ring.
I was out of breath from running around, so my words came out with gasps of air.
“It’s an emergency!” I shouted.
“Why. What happened?” She demanded.
“I can’t find Justin’s Christmas present ANYWHERE! I must have hid it so he wouldn’t snoop around, but looks like I can’t find it now either! With Christmas only three days away, there’s no way I can find him something decent in time.” I know me and Justin said ‘no presents’ this year, but when I found a Louis V watch encrusted with dark violet diamonds, I couldn’t help myself. I used most of the money I made on tour the very first summer with Justin. I made sure to put it away, knowing I’d find something nice to spend it on one day.
“Calm down Christina! I’m heading over ASAP! We’re making an emergency mall trip right now!”
I breathed a sigh of relief, “You’re the best Cait. See you soon!”
I kept looking all around the pool house for the watch while I waited for Caitlin to arrive, just in case it decided to show up. But when I heard a knock on the door, I jumped up, grabbing my scarf and headed for the door.

“Justin!” I was a little startled when I was expecting Caitlin to be standing there. He gave me a smirk while reaching up to scratch his head.
“Were you expecting your other boyfriend?” he asked, laughing under his breath.
I grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him close to me, I could smell his scent as it circled me, drawing me in even closer. “Maybe. But don’t worry; you’re a better kisser than him.”
I pressed my lips gently up against his, kissing him for the first time today.
When I heard a long honk coming from the driveway, I peeped open one eye to see Caitlin sitting in her car as she checked her make-up in the rearview mirror.
“That’s my ride.” I whispered as I pulled away smiling.
“What, I can’t come meet my competition?” he asked
I ran my fingers through his hair before spinning around and skipping off, “Mmm, I don’t think so!”
“Thanks again Caitlin!” I pleaded as we backed out of the driveway.
“Of course. What are friends for?”
Friends.
Who knew me and Justin’s ex-girlfriend could ever be friends. Looks like Justin and I weren’t the only ones who had better days coming.
We walked circles inside of the mall, trying way too hard to find something, ANYTHING!
“Did you have any ideas?”’ Caitlin asked as we continued looking into the stores.
I sighed, “Nope. And I’m low on cash too.”
“So we need to think hard and cheap!” We both laughed as we took a seat on an empty bench, letting our poor feet take a quick rest.

“So, I feel like I owe you an apology.” I started to say as I looked down at the ground.
“And why would that be?” She asked, letting out a laugh under her breath.
“In the beginning, I judged you right off the bat, without even getting to know you.”
“Hey,” she reached over and placed her hand on mine “Don’t worry about it okay? But I must say, after getting to know you that don’t seem like something you’d normally do.”
“It’s not. But, I know that most of his songs … he wrote about you.” And it was true. Justin even told me himself which songs were for Caitlin, the good and the bad. It’s one thing to tell a person how you’re feeling, but to write a song for them, putting something out that’s so permanent is a different story.
“He might have written those songs about me, but he sings them about you.” She told me. I looked up at her, noticing her sincere smile as she helped me realize something my mind wouldn’t.

A few hours later she dropped me off at home. I left the mall with nothing but a lousy T-shirt and a coupon book for free hugs whenever he wanted. Great, so much for a Merry Christmas.
I unlocked the door and through my bags down on the floor. My mood wasn’t really in the place to wrap presents. But what I was in the mood for was a hot shower.
I started the hot water, letting it run as I started to take off my scarf and jacket while walking into my room. I turned on the lights and quickly jumped back, “Justin!” this time I was a little more startled than earlier today. He sat still on my bed, his hands were behind his back and he didn’t look too happy.
“Babe? Are you okay?” I asked, a little hesitant.
He stood up, not removing his hands from behind him and shook his head. “Not really.”
“Well, do you want to tell me why?” I asked, again.
“I found something.” I looked at him confused for a second, waiting for him to go on. “And I thought we had made a deal. No presents this year for Christmas!” He pulled the watch box out from behind his back.
“Oh thank gosh! I thought I was never going to see that thing ever again!”
This time he gave me the confused look.
“I hide it so well from you that even I forgot where I placed it.” I explained to him.
I took the watch from his hands and opened it up to make sure everything was still there when Justin covered my hands with his.
“I can’t except this.” He said “It had to of cost a fortune!”
“Just shut and say you love me.” I giggled.
“I love you. Now close your eyes.”
“What!” I exclaimed.
He turned me around and placed his warm hands over my closed eyelids.
“Where are we going?” I giggled.
“You’ll see.”
Justin used one his hands to touch my lower back as he guided me out of the pool house.
I felt my feet smash down the snow underneath my boots. And without my jacket, I felt the shivers quickly go down my spine.
The familiar squeak rang through my ears as Justin opened the back door and I slipped off my shoes.
We made our way up the stairs, and down the hall, a trip that I’ve made a thousand times before to where I knew exactly where I was standing.
“Okay, you can open your eyes.”
I opened one at first, then the other followed when I noticed nothing out of the ordinary.
“Are you giving me your room?” I laughed “I don’t get it.”
“Well, I was going to do this tomorrow…” Justin walked over and grabbed his acoustic guitar off of its stand and sat on the chair next to it.
I grabbed a chair sitting in front of his desk and pulled it up in front of him.
“Okay, I’m still not getting it.” I told him.
“You know what tomorrow is right?” he asked.
“Christmas Eve.”
“And?” he pushed
“Your Christmas album is released!” I shouted. How could I forget? We had spent the last few weeks traveling around to promote it.
“Yup, and the first track on it was written just for you.” He said through a smile.
“You write me a song?” I exclaimed as I leaned in closer.
“Not just a song. Every single track on that album is about you. Christina, you are the best gift I could have ever been given. And I had to do something special to show not only you that, but the whole world.”
Justin leaned in over his guitar and met me in the middle, leaning his forehead down on mine.
“Can you play one for me?” I whispered.
His head shook up and down as his lips touched mine then sat back in his chair and propped up his guitar.

“It’s the most beautiful time of the year, running through the streets spreading so much cheer, I should be playing in the winter snow, But imma be under the mistletoe.
Word on the street santa’s coming tonight, reindeers flying in the sky so high, I should be playing in the winter snow but imma be under the mistletoe
With you, shawty with you, with you, shawty with you, with you under the mistletoe
Gathering around the fire, chestnuts roasting like a hot July, I should be playing in the winter snow but imma be under the mistletoe
I don’t want to miss out on the holiday but I can’t stop staring at your face, I should be running in the winter snow but imma be under the mistletoe
With you, shawty with you, with you, shawty with you, with you under the mistletoe
With you, shawty with you, with you, shawty with you, with you under the mistletoe
Don’t you buy me nothing, I am feeling one thing and it led me to a miracle, Don’t you buy me nothing, I am feeling one thing, your lips on my lips, there’s a very merry Christmas
It’s the most beautiful time of the year, flying through the streets spreading so much cheer, I should be playing in the winter snow but imma be under the mistletoe
I don’t want to miss out on the holiday, but I can’t stop staring at your face, I should be playing in the winter snow but imma be under the mistletoe
With you, shawty with you, with you, shawty with you, with you under the mistletoe
With you, shawty with you, shawty with you, under the mistletoe
Kiss me underneath the mistletoe, show me baby that you love me so, ohhhh, ohhh, kiss me underneath the mistletoe, show me baby that you love me so, ohhh, woahh.”

I sat there frozen in my chair.
I couldn’t seem to get my lips to stop smiling, not even when he leaned back in for another kiss.
“Merry Christmas baby.” He whispered.
“Yes it is.”

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:57:44 -0400

Chapter 58

The waves were whispering hello to us as we sat on the water’s edge. It was an absolute perfect day. I was finally back in Justin’s soothing arms. We kissed. We touched. We fumbled around in the sand. I was home, back in my baby’s arms. But I knew I would have to face reality soon, and tell him about New York. It was burning in my throat.

“Justin, I have to tell you something, but before I do just know it wasn’t my fault,” I told him. He sat up, “Christina what did you do?” he asked me. He knew it was coming. I could see it in his eyes.
“While I was in New York, I met Hailey’s friend, Blake. He showed me around New York and everything. He’s a nice guy but he -he…he kissed me!”
“Did you kiss him back,” Justin asked.
“No! Okay maybe for a few seconds but then I realized what was happening so I stopped him!” I replied. I couldn’t lose him. Not after I just got him back.
I looked down after saying that. I was ashamed. Embarrassed.

Justin remained silent. Silence scares me. Silence is what filled my mind when they told me my parents didn’t make it. Silence is what fell upon me every time I thought about that phone call of my best friend’s death. I couldn’t deal with silence anymore.

“Why?” Justin asked.
“Why what?” I replied.
“Why did you kiss him back?! Why would you do that to me?!” Justin was getting tears in his eyes by now.
“I didn’t mean to! Justin, I didn’t feel anything. I pushed him off of me. I would never hurt you on purpose. Never,” I told him.
Justin stood up, “Never say never right?”.
“Please believe me!” I pleaded, looking up to his eyes -which were shut tight. “Please…” I whimpered out.
He started to walk away. I wanted to go after him so bad. But I couldn’t. I needed to give him some space. I don’t care how long it takes, as long as I get him back, I can wait.

***

I woke up the next morning on the beach. I must have fallen asleep here. I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. 10:30.

I rolled my neck in circles trying to get the kinks out.
My body felt as stiff as a piece of wood and my mouth like sandpaper. I walked up the beach towards the boardwalk.

After 15 minutes I finally managed to hail down a cab. I told him the address. On the way back I decided to call Caitlin. Hailey was right. I needed to be the bigger person. Caitlin picked up on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Caitlin. It’s Christina. I wanted to apologize for everything. I never wanted to be enemies and I never meant to hurt you. I know we didn’t get off to a good start but I was thinking that maybe we could start over.” I told her. I honestly did want to start over. I didn’t want to fight with her anymore. I was sick of the fighting. I twirled my hair waiting for her to reply. “That sounds like a great idea,” Caitlin finally replied after about a minute of silence, “And just to let you know, I’m sorry too. You weren’t the only mean one, I was too. I never meant to hurt yours and Justin’s relationship. I just thought you were another come and go girlfriend, and I didn’t want to see him get hurt. But I realized now that you aren’t. You’re here to stay, and as much as you and Justin fight, nothing will ever tear you apart.” I felt tears come to my eyes. It made me glad that somebody else could see it and not just me. “Caitlin,” I blurted out, “We should go shopping. At the mall or something.” “Sounds good. I’ll pick you up in an hour,” she replied.

The cab dropped me off 2 minutes later. I walked inside the pool house and got ready for the mall. After I got ready I walked into the main house to tell Pattie what I was doing. I walked through the door and walked right into Justin. “Christina,” he said, “We need to talk.” I wanted to so badly. But I was not blowing off the mall with Caitlin for him. “Sorry I can’t. I’m going to the mall with Caitlin.” I replied. He was shocked. I could tell. I walked past him and went up to Pattie. “Pattie, I’m going to the mall with Caitlin.” I told her. “Okay have fun,” She said with a smile. She knew about the whole Caitlin thing so I think she was happy that we were finally getting along.

***

Sometime later Caitlin pulled up and I climbed in the car. Justin was on the driveway playing basketball. He didn’t say bye to me. Caitlin must have noticed. “Are you guys fighting?” She asked me. “I don’t know,” I told her honestly, “When I was in New York visiting my best friend Hailey, this guy Blake, kissed me and Justin got all mad like it was my fault.” I told her. It felt good to talk to another girl my age about this stuff. “Well he shouldn’t be,” she replied. “Yeah I know,” I told her.

***

Caitlin and I had a blast at the mall. Once you get to know her she’s actually really nice. I regret not apologizing earlier.

We went to a bunch of stores. I even got something for Justin. It was just another purple hat, but his old one was getting worn out so I bought him a new one.
Caitlin dropped me off at my house. “Thanks,” I told her, “I had fun.” “Yeah me too,” she replied, “We should do this again soon. “Defiantly.” I opened the door and was about to get out when Caitlin grabbed my arm, “Wait Christina. I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I think i should now that we’re friends.” I sat back down. I didn’t respond so she began, “Well you know how I went on tour with Justin right? Well he kind of kissed me. And before you say anything, this is not a way of me trying to break you guys up. As I said before, nothing will tear you guys apart. But that’s why I said before that he shouldn’t be mad at you, because he did the same thing.”

I thanked Caitlin and got out of the car. I was so mad it’s not even funny. But I didn’t feel like yelling. I saw Justin by the pool playing water basketball with Kenny. I walked over and sat at the edge of the pool. “Kenny can I talk to Justin for a minute?” I asked him. “Sure,” Kenny replied and got out.

“Christina..” Justin began but I interrupted him, “No Justin. Don’t say you’re sorry or whatever because I know what you did with Caitlin. I know you kissed her. You had no right…” Before I could say anything else just swam up to me and put his arms around me. I felt Justin’s warm lips slide onto mine. He pulled me into the pool with him. Usually I would’ve screamed and ran out, but I honestly didn’t care this time. I hated fighting with him.

This kiss reminded me of that rainy night in Atlanta, when he came to the pool house and kissed me for the first time. It was that feeling of time stopping around us. Caitlin was right, nothing could tear us apart.

He pulled back and smiled at me, “I’ve been waiting to do that. And if you want to know why I kissed Caitlin, it was because I thought she as you I missed you so much. So I kissed her. After I realized who it was I stopped. I never meant to do it on purpose.” I didn’t even bother to try and explain what happened with Blake. I was just too tired. I was just happy to be in Justin’s arms again.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:57:01 -0400

Chapter 57

“Blake, leave.” Hailey said. Her voice was stern and controlled, sort of like the calm before a storm. I could only imagine what was going through her head. In her defense, she had every right to be mad. I mean, she did just walk in on me lip locking with the boy she liked. But in my defense, I was just the victim in this sticky love triangle.

“Hailey, I swear I didn’t…” Hailey raised her hand, stopping me from going on.
“I’m glad you’re going home tomorrow.” She said. Her tone was cold and her face was expressionless. I winced a little at the sound of the door slamming as Blake showed himself out. I sat down and leaned back on the bed, groaning out of frustration as I practically suffocated myself with a pillow.

The rest of that day I got nothing more than the silent treatment from Hailey. After a few attempts to apologize and explain that he was the one who kissed me, she got the idea to just wear her headphones while blaring Justin’s music as loud as it would go, probably to irritate me seeing as I wasn’t too happy with him right now either.
I tried to finish the rest of my packing, but without my best friend helping me, it seemed like it was never going to end. Just then I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I nearly dropped it as I grabbed it out of my back pocket as fast as I could.
It was Justin, finally!
I snuck out of the room, not wanting to bother Hailey any more than I already was.

“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey beautiful.” Justin said. I let my smile through for only a second when I remembered why I had been trying to get a hold of him all day.
                “Why didn’t you tell me Caitlin was going to be with you guys in South America?” I asked him. I could tell by the hesitation in his voice, I had caught him off guard.
                “I thought I did. But either way, why’s it a big deal?” He asked.
                “I don’t know.” I started to say as I looked down at the ground. “I guess I’m just jealous, because she’s there with you and I’m not.”

Justin took a deep breath before explaining why Caitlin got to go but not me, his girlfriend.
                “Carin had a family emergency come up right before we took off. But we couldn’t do wardrobe without her, so since Caitlin’s going to school for fashion, we all figured this would be a great opportunity for her.”
I was done talking about Caitlin. Just as long as I knew she wasn’t there for other reasons.
                “I can’t wait to come home tomorrow. I miss you so much, you have no idea!”
                “What about Hailey? I thought I’d never get you to leave New York.” Justin exclaimed.
I didn’t know if I should tell Justin what had happened, or wait till we both got home.
                “We kind of got into a fight today. But I don’t feel like talking about right now.” Well, looks like I’ll be waiting to tell him.
                “I’m sorry Christina. But whatever it was over, I know you guys will get over it and make up.” I just hope Justin was right.

                After getting off of the phone with Justin, I finished the last little bit of packing that I had and crawled under my covers. I laid my head and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep but couldn’t get over this little fight between Hailey and me.
I ripped the covers off of my legs and jumped down from the bed. I marched right up to Hailey and ripped out the headphones which she still had in her ears.
                “Hey!” She exclaimed, reaching out trying to grab them from my hands.
                “Blake kissed me! I would never do that to you Hailes.” I blurted out before she could shut me out again. Her eyebrows scrunched up and her expression changed.
                “What?” she whispered.
                “I guess all this time he liked me, and I was just too dumb to see the signals, and stop them before all of this happened.” I began to explain to her. “Hailey, you’re my best friend. And I’ve already found my prince charming. Why would I need yours?” I sat down next to her as she scooted over. “Blake’s a great guy. And he’s already charming, now all you got to do is show the true Hailey I know, and make him your prince.”
I held my breath, hoping that her next move would be a hug in my direction. I couldn’t dare leave New York while being on bad terms with my bestfriend.
Hailey’s lips finally parted in a smile and her arms opened up.
                “I’m so sorry I didn’t want to listen to you sooner Christina.” Hailey exclaimed.
                “Apology accepted!” I shouted as I hugged her back. “But we should probably get some sleep. We’ll probably be tired tomorrow after we cry our eyes out when we say good bye.
So with that Hailey and I were reunited and finally able to get some sleep.

It was funny how airplanes worked. Nothing was impossible for them. No place was too far for them to travel. You could go anywhere you wanted and see anything your heart desired. With a little patience and a good pillow, you could find yourself where your heart desired.
And for weeks, my heart did absolutely nothing but desire to be in the arms of Justin. And though this plane I sat couldn’t take me straight there, it could get me close enough for me to walk right into him, hold him tight, and never let go. Too bad I still had to wait another 24 hours…

As I sat in the taxi on the way back to Justin’s house, I figured I’d rest my eyes for a few minutes since I couldn’t get any sleep on the flight in. But I opened my eyes again, the car had stopped and hardly anything surrounded us. We definitely were not in the city.
                “Excuse me, sir? Where are we?” I asked the taxi driver.
He turned around and smiled politely at me, “Ah! You’re awake. We are at the beach!” He said in his funny accent as he waved his hand in the direction of the water. But Atlanta was at least 2 hours away from the water, so we could be anywhere.
                “H-how, no, why are we here? I must have given you the address wrong!” I stuttered as I searched through my address book just to reassure myself that I had given him the right address.
                “I was instructed to bring you to this beach. No where else.” He said.
                “Why…?” I said, hesitant and curious as to who told him to bring me here.
He shook his head, stating that he didn’t know any more than I did as to why I was brought here. But I wasn’t going to stay in this taxi and longer than I had to.

I walked across the hot white sand, with the salt water breeze blowing back my hair. Looking out across the shore, I squinted my eyes, trying to find whatever it was that I was to look for. But with fall just about over and winter starting up, the air was cold and crisp, not a single soul stood out on the beach. I caught my scarf as the wind tried taking it and wrapped it tightly around my neck.
Just then, I caught the back side a young man who seemed to be walking the opposite way of me.
He was wearing dark blue jeans that hung too low around his hips, and a beige sweater that looked awfully familiar. In fact, if Justin wasn’t in South America right now, I would say that it was him.

Just then he stopped right where he was, and he slowly started to turn his head, looking back towards me. Butterflies quickly entered my stomach and flew around uncontrollably. Justin?
He spun all the around, sparing a smile that left me absolutely weak at my knees. For a second I doubted myself. It could just be my mind playing tricks. But before I could think about it, he was running my way, and without hesitation I felt my feet moving just as fast towards him.

I felt his arms wrap around me as my feet lifted up off of the sand. But I still couldn’t tell if I had been dreaming. What if I was to open my eyes and still be sitting inside of a taxi cab?
I felt myself slowly being lowered back to the ground, but Justin’s grip around my waist never loosened. I threw my hands around his neck, letting his hair fall in between my fingers. I couldn’t hold myself back any longer. I could feel my throat burning at the anticipation of his touch that I so desperately yearned for.

And that’s when it happened. His lips touched mine, sending that familiar feeling all the way down to the tips of my toes. My knees began to shake, and I could feel my heart beating right through my chest. Justin’s hands wandered down my back, and his fingers brushed across the skin right beneath my shirt. After a few seconds, I realized I had stopped breathing completely and had to pull away.

                I kept my fingers laced around his neck, and reached up on the tip of my toes to rest my forehead up against his. The air was cold, but the sun beating down on the side of my face, and Justin’s touch kept me warm.
                “What are you doing here?” I said through my smile.
                “Do you want me to go somewhere and come tomorrow?” Justin said, teasing.
He tried to pull away, but I made sure he didn’t move an inch.
                “No way.! You’re staying right here with me. But really, why are you here a day early?” I tried asking again.
                “I was never supposed to fly in tomorrow. I just told you that so I could surprise you when you got home.” I closed my eyes as Justin kissed my lips once again. The ocean breeze danced around us, causing goose bumps to run down my arms and my body to shiver ever so slightly.
                “Come on.” Justin waved. “I have blankets over here.”
So this had been planned. I took his hand and followed him to sit on the dunes and faced the ocean.
Justin wrapped a blanket around my shoulders as I sat down in front of him, resting my back up and against his warm chest. I reached up, grabbing his arm that stretched out in front of me.
                “I missed you so much it nearly killed me.” Justin started to say. “There mornings where it nearly took everything in me to get out of bed.”
                “It could not have been ‘that’ bad Justin. You were in some of the most beautiful parts of the world doing what your heart absolutely loves to do. “
I could feel his head moving from side to side, disagreeing with what I had to say.
                “That’s one thing I learned while I was away from you touring. The performing, the singing. It doesn’t mean anything without you. It used to be what I loved most. But that all got pushed around the moment I said ‘I love you’ to you. You come first, always.”
I kissed Justin’s hand as he rested his chin on my shoulder and hummed Keith Urban’s ‘Without you’ quietly in my ear as we both looked out onto the ocean.

It felt good to be home, here in Justin’s arms.
But I knew soon I’d have to face the music, and tell him what happened in New York with Blake.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 00:56:09 -0400

Chapter 56

                As much as I was having with Hailey here in New York, all things must come to an end. And sadly the end was too near. We had been so busy filling our day with things; I almost forgot that I had to fly back tomorrow.
                “What are you going to do without me when you go home?” Hailey asked, helping me start the packing process.
                “No clue! I’ll be alone for at least a day before Justin fly’s in.” I started to tell her.
                “I meant after he got home. Christina, let’s face it; he’s all you got down there. You need to get out more often and meet new people!” she told me.
                “Get out more? I can’t even leave the house without paparazzi hot on my trail. How am I supposed to just go around and meet new people?” I continued folding shirts and stacking them neatly into my suitcase. Making new friends at this point in my life was just out of the question. From this moment on, nobody will ever meet just plain ole ‘Christina’, they’ll only know me as ‘Christina, Justin Bieber’s girlfriend’. How was I supposed to know someone wasn’t being my friend just to get close to Justin?
                “It might sound crazy, but you could always start with Caitlin.” Hailey suggested. I stopped what I was doing to give the evil eye. The last time I tried to play ‘friends’ with Caitlin, I blew up in her face and stormed off.
                “Just call her up and apologize, be the bigger person. Who knows, maybe if you guys can start over again, she won’t be so bad once you get to know her.”
Hailey was right. Even if Caitlin and I remained enemies, I should at least try. She’ll always be a part of Justin’s past and will always remain in his life.
                “You’re right Hails. I just got to suck it up and say I’m sorry.”
                “I am?” Hailey questioned.
                “Yeah! And you know what, why wait? I’m calling her right now.”
I walked across the room to my bag and sifted through searching for my phone. When I finally found it, I sat down on the bed and scrolled through my contacts till I found her name.
                “What are you going to say?” Hailey asked.
I shrugged my shoulders as I pressed ‘call’. “I’ll figure it out when she answers.”
Her phone only rang two times until going straight to voicemail
                “Hey guys it’s Caitlin! I’m traveling around South America right now so you might not be able to get a hold of me! I’ll see you all when I get back! Kisses!”

I felt my heart suddenly slip and fall into the pit of my stomach. I dropped my phone on the bed and closed my eyes for a second. “Hailey, is it possible for Caitlin to be coincidentally traveling around South America the same time Justin’s there?” I looked over at her expression. Her mouth fell open and her eyes grew bigger. I knew exactly what her thoughts were just by the look on her face. “I didn’t think so.” I answered my own question. So Justin and Caitlin had been together every day this month, and he somehow forgot to mention she’d be coming with?
“You don’t think anything’s happened between them do you? I mean, I don’t really think Justin would do something like that to you.” Hailey said. I picked up my phone and started to dial Justin’s number.
“It’s not him I’m worried about. It’s Caitlin I don’t trust.” Justin’s phone went straight to voicemail.
“This might be bad timing, but I had a coffee date with a friend in a bit, unless you want me to stick around and help you pack?” Hailey offered. I waved my hand, telling her go. I’d rather be alone at this point anyways.

                I sat down on the bed and bumped my head up against the wall. I played scenario after scenario in my head. Caitlin putting her hands all over Justin any second she got, and Justin politely pushing her off. Or maybe he’s not pushing her off. I mean, they did used to be a ‘thing’ right?
My thoughts got disrupted when I heard a loud knock on the door.
It was only Blake.
                “Hey!” I exclaimed as he made his way in and walked past me.
I’ve spent a lot of time with Blake in the past few weeks. It was almost like we were old friends. I was able to tell him anything, except who I really was. I wanted to make sure he was friends with me for who I am, and not who I was dating.
                “Hey Blake.” I said back to him, except my voice wasn’t as chipper as his.
                “Something wrong?” he asked.
I looked from side to side with a hesitating look, “Mmm, nope!” but I forgot I was a terrible liar.
He sat on Hailey’s bed and motioned his hand for me to sit next to him. I dragged my feet as I walked towards him. When I plopped myself down, I threw my feet up onto his lap and gave him the look that I really didn’t want to talk about it.
He threw his hands up in the air surrendering, “Don’t worry, I won’t ask.”
I rested my head back on the wall and looked it Blake’s two dimples that sat on either side of his smile. I had to admit, my knees weakened at the sight of them.

                Blake started to rub my feet, as he did every time we hung out.
“Do you dance today?” he asked. I shook my head while looking down at my toes, noticing the blisters finally starting to heal.
                “How long did you say you’ve been dancing?”
                “16 years” I started telling him. “And in a few months, on my 20^th birthday, I will have been dancing for exactly 17 years. My mother went in the day I turned three and signed me right up!”
                “That’s crazy!” He said “Is that how you met Hailey? Dancing?”
                “Yeah. Back home we grew up going to the same studio!”
Every time I spoke, Blake would nod his head and smile while looking into my eyes, almost as if he wasn’t even listening to what I was saying. It reminded me of Justin. Justin always got lost in my eyes when I tried to tell him anything.
                “So what about you? What did you do growing up?” I asked him.
                “I actually danced too.” He said with a big grin.
                “Get out! No way.” I exclaimed.
                “Yeah, I was 6. My mom thought it would be cool to put me into Tap lesson. Except I was the only boy, and as good as that sounds now, back then girls had cooties. She that only a good 2 weeks. Ever since then I made sure I was in any and every manly sport there was.”
                “You poor traumatized man!” I giggled.
Blake’s foot massage slowly turned into a calf massage, then up to a hand massage. I also noticed how close we had been sitting next to each other.
I could feel my throat suddenly becoming dry, desperate for something to drink and my palms started to get clammy. The room grew silent as Blake’s dared not to move away from mine.
I knew for a fact I was sitting still, so that must have been his body coming towards me in slow motion.
And before I could even do anything to stop it, his hands where on either side of my face and his lips smack dap in the center of mine. Though I didn’t enjoy if, in fact the few short seconds they sat there all I could do was notice how awful it was to kiss any man other than Justin.
I finally took the palms of my hands and pushed them up against his chest. I sat there staring at him, with a confused expression written all over my face, but before I could ask what he was doing, I heard someone on the other side of the room clearing their throat.

Great.
How was I going to explain this one to Hailey?

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 23:45:13 -0400

Chapter 55

By the time I got back to Hailey’s room last night, she had already fallen asleep. So without waking her up, I changed into a pair of sweats and slipped under the covers, finding myself staring back up at Justin’s ‘Teen Beat’ poster. He never did call me when he landed in Brazil. But he’s probably doing the same thing as me right now, about to fall sleep.
This morning, I woke up bright and early. It was like myself didn’t want to waste any time while I was here in New York. I swung my legs out from my blanket and placed my feet down on the floor. Hoping out of bed, and skipped over to the window, pulling back the curtains and looking out onto beautiful downtown New York. The city definitely was not the same during the day. I could not wait to get out there and walk the streets again.
“UhHem.” I hear Hailey clearing her throat and quickly turn.
“I didn’t know you were awake!” I said back to her and I placed my hand over my heart.
“How was your night?” she asked, a little stand offish.
I ran over to her bed and sat next to her, except when I sat down she scooted a little bit in the opposite direction. I was confused. Did I do something wrong?
“It was great actually.” I said, carful of what I said.
“Did anything happen?” she asked cold.
“Happen? You mean between me and Blake?” I was confused. Why would something have happened between Blake and I? “No! Hailey, you know I love Justin. Are you feeling okay?” I placed my palm over her forehead, but she felt fine to me. “Wait, you like him don’t you!” I squealed.
Her face turned as red a fresh tomato, followed by a large grin, “Shh!” she exclaimed. “I don’t even want to talk about it right now.” She told me.
“Girl don’t worry, he’s all yours. Besides he kept talking about you all night.”
“NO! Really?!” her eyes nearly popped out of her head.
“Duh, and why wouldn’t he? Look at you, you’re hot girl!” I joked as I bumped my shoulder into hers. I pulled out my phone, thinking I felt it vibrate but it was just a false alarm. “Have you heard from Justin yet?” Hailey asked. I pushed my mouth to the side and shook my head. “And I would hate to call, because he’s probably in the middle of getting everything ready.”
“Then just shoot him a text. If he’s too busy then he just won’t text back, that way you don’t feel like he’s obligated to pick up a phone call.” She was right. And even if he was busy, I sure hope he’d stop for a minute to say hello to me.
-I’m missing you like crazy. I hope things are going smoothly. If I don’t talk to you beforehand, good luck at your first show tomorrow. I love you!-
It wasn’t even a minute before I felt my phone vibrate, but it wasn’t a text, Justin was calling.
“Hello?” I answered. I couldn’t get the word out fast enough
“I missed the sound of your voice.” He said right off the bat.
I sat there smiling like a middle schooler as she talked to her first ‘real boyfriend’.
“You’re smiling aren’t you. I can always tell when you’re smiling over the phone.”
“Has it been a month yet?” I asked, suddenly missing him more than the world.
I heard him let out a loud sigh, “I wish. I just need you in my arms. I can’t stand it.”
“And I just need your arms around me.” I whispered back.
I heard scuffling in the background and voices beginning to talk.
“I gotta go baby, but I will try to call you later!” and before I could say I love you, he hung up the call. I put my phone down and looked over at Hailey who was looking at me with a ginormous smile on her face. “You two are too cute for words.” She said. I felt a small tear running down my cheek as I began to realize just how hard the next couple of weeks were going to be. Endless phone calls that would end just like this. In tears.
I looked over at Hailey, forcing myself to put on a happy face for her, “Do you have any finals today?”
“Nope! And my last test is tomorrow so after that we’re free to do anything!” she said.
I leaned back on her head board and placed her pillow over my face as I mumbled into it, “I just feel like lying in bed all day.” I groaned.
“What! Just 30 minutes I heard you humming Broadway show tunes as you stared out my window.” She exclaimed. I shrugged my shoulders as she pulled me out of her bed, “Come on. I know just what you need.” I didn’t put up a fight. I got up and put on the cloths she was throwing at me.
Crop top, sports bra, spandex shorts, and leg warmers. Hailey was always known for making the articles we wore to dance class and every day fashion statement. But lucky for her, she now lived in New York, and she wasn’t the only one who dressed like this.
We stepped outside in to the, well, not so fresh air and headed on foot down the street. This city was far from home, and far from Atlanta. Each building differed from the next, telling its own story from its wear and tear. Some new, some old. Some even a little bit creepy as they sat unattended and abandoned.
“Well, this is it.” She said putting her arms out in front of herself.
“Rhonda’s School of Dance.” I said aloud as I read the sign over the door.
“Yup.” Hailey started to say as she started heading inside. “I found this place through a classmate. It’s not too far away so I come here on the days I don’t have class.” For some reason I felt strange being inside a dance studio. I felt even stranger that I would be talking a class in another dance studio.
Back home, Precisions Dance Company had been my home away from home since I could walk. It almost felt like ‘cheating’ coming to another studio.
“Alright girls, hurry up and stretch class will begin shortly.” The instructor shouted. Hailey rushed up to her before leaving the room and told her how I was a friend from out of state visiting. Her instructor had no problem with me taking the class. I sat in straddle, stretching forward until my stomach laid flat on the floor and the side of my face touched too. I noticed how tight my muscles had become from taking so much time off dancing.
After an hour and a half, the balls of my feet red, the sides of my feet had blisters, and my ankles cracked when I rotated them in circles.
“We’re not getting any younger that’s for sure.” Hailey said as she sat next to me.
“You know, a dancer’s body is only good until they’re 25. Then it’s time for them to retire. We’re wearing down by the minute!” she laughed. As I taped up my toes, I remember the last visit I made to the doctors. He had told me that if I fractured my ankle one more time I would never be able to dance again. By that time I lost track of all my injuries. I’m shocked dancers could even last that long!
“Well, Ballet is about to start. You coming?” she asked as she stood up.
I smiled and shook my head no. “I think I’ll pass today.” I told. She told me she’d come find me after class. The studio had cleared out, as I heard the classical music start up in the room next door. I stood up and peeked my head out the door into the lounge; no one was waiting to come in. I had the studio all to myself.
I pulled my iPod out, plugged it into the stereo and scrolled down to ‘Breath Me’. The same song I once danced to for Justin. I stood there in the middle of the floor, moving my body anyway my mind took it.
I took everything I had bottled up, my parents, my brother, Mindy, Justin, and let it pour out of my soul like water as I contracted and contorted my body. Anyone who watched me dance would know the things I’d been through. I told stories through what I do. Dance was my therapy. I didn’t want to be on a couch lying down, telling a stranger ‘how it makes me feel’. I wanted to be here, on this floor, telling it to the one thing I’ve grown closest to; Dance.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 23:44:35 -0400

Chapter 54

I was walking down the street with a complete stranger. “Where are we going?” I begged.
“You’ll see soon enough.” He answered.
I let out a loud sigh, hoping it would get him to answer my question. No luck. We picked up the pace a little as we turned down into an alley way. “Is this the part where you admit your criminal past and chop me into pieces?” I asked, sarcasm spilling out of my mouth. He slowly turned his head towards me, the look of shock written all over his face. “What gave it away?” he asked.
I stood frozen, well except for my hand that slowly started to reach for my phone in my pocket. How could I be so stupid? I didn’t even know this man. I bet you he didn’t even know Hailey, he just goes around knocking on random girls’ doors. Why do I put myself in these situations? He slowly reached into his jacket pocket, I could feel my heart beating faster with every second that passed by. He wrapped his hand around something, trying to slide it out. Here it comes, I wonder if he’ll shoot me right away, or let me try and talk my way out of it. I saw his hand beginning to exit his pocket, and there was the…gum? He pulled out a pack of gum? I placed my sweaty palm up against my forehead and started laughing at myself, hearing Blake chiming in. “What’s so funny?” he asked. I started shaking my head, feeling silly, “Nothing, it’s nothing.” I told him.
We continued walking; it felt like the alley was never going to end. But we finally got to the other side. We stepped out, but I nearly got pushed back in from the large crowd of people walking to who knows where. It seemed so bright now compared to the gloomy alley way. I looked up into the night sky, overwhelmed with billboards and flashing lights. “Time Square?” I shouted out in excitement. “You brought me Time Square!” This sure as hell beats falling asleep early back at Hailey’s dorm room.
“Aren’t you glad you came with me now?” He asked. I stared at his smile, noticing the tiny dimple that made its way onto the side of his mouth. “Yeah, I am.” I said, smiling back. But that smile slowly faded as Justin came into my thoughts. I went to go grab my phone, wanting to call to see if he had landed by now, but Blake intercepted, pulling me into a new direction, “Come on! The night is still young; we got a lot to see!”
We Devoured an Elvis ice cream cone at Ample Hills Creamery, bought overpriced memorabilia at street vendors, and blended in with every other tourist by taking picture after picture.
We finally decided to take a rest, finding a bench full of graffiti to take a seat on. Blake passed me the bag of popcorn that we had been snacking off of, “So what’s your story?” he asked.
I took a handful of popcorn and stuffed it into my mouth before telling this total stranger my life story.
“Well, I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. I’ve been dancing before I could even walk. I had a brother, but sadly he passed, I also just recently lost both of my parents.” Blake stopped me right there and placed his hand over mine, “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t imagine losing one family member, let alone 3.”
I smiled back at him, letting him that it was okay, I didn’t need the sympathy from others anymore to help sooth my pain. “it’s been months, but every day, I can wake up and breathe a little easier.” There was a small moment where neither one of knew what to say, but he finally was able to break that, “So where do you go to college?” I looked down, knowing that he wouldn’t understand my answer, “I don’t. I mean I was supposed to attend NCU, but that’s when everything with my parents happened.”
“Do you think you’ll ever go back?” he asked.
“No.” I simply put it. He looked confused but I didn’t want to go into details about who my boyfriend was. That would be a whole different story meant for a whole other adventure.
I felt the vibration of my phone through my pocket and quickly went to grab it, thinking it was Justin calling to tell me had finally landed. But it was only Hailey.
- Hey, Just got back. Where the heck are you?
- I left you a note! Your friend Blake came by and kidnapped me (LOL not really) and we’re in TIME SQUARE! I just couldn’t wait to get started on my sightseeing. Don’t worry we’ll be back soon!
I sat there waiting for her reply, but after a minute or so I slipped my phone back into my pocket.
“I think it might be time you get me back to Hailey’s.” I said as I opened my mouth open wide for a yawn. Blake chuckled lightly in agreement, “Yeah, I have an exam tomorrow afternoon.” He told me.
I lightly punched him in the arm, “Are you crazy! You should be studying, not out here with me!” I exclaimed.
“Nah, it’s all good. Besides, I take New York newbies seriously. Somebody had to break you in.”
We both laughed in unison. I stared at Blake as he reminded me of the guys back home. Not my new home in Atlanta, but my real home. Tall and handsome, a soul filled with wit charm. Laid back and not in a hurry to get anywhere. Just a down home kind of boy.

I liked those kinds of boys.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 23:43:43 -0400

Chapter 53

I hopped off the plane at JFK, and wasted no time getting to the baggage claim. I was more than ready for some Best Friend time with Hailey. I impatiently waited for the buzzer to sound and the carousel to move, slowly bringing out the passenger’s luggage. I watched, bag after bag until mine came around. Just my luck, it was the last one out.
With bags in hand, I could finally make my way outside to find Hailey. It wasn’t any surprise to see her parked right outside the doors.

“Christina!” I heard her familiar voice squeal.
“Hailey!” I shouted back at her as she ran up to me, throwing her arms out.

I squeezed her as tight as I could, then quickly released and gave her a good long stare. “You died your hair!” I exclaimed as I noticed the drastic change from brunette to fiery read. “What in the world has college done to you Hailey James.” I tried to say in my best ‘mother voice’. She took my bags from my hands and threw them in the trunk of her car. “I’m still me, Christina. Just, a more sassy me!” Well she sure got the sassy part right, were those heels I saw her wearing?

It was already late, no thanks to my delayed flight, and there was no doubt both of us were tired.
“It stinks that you couldn’t fly in earlier! Now you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see this beautiful city!” Hailey exclaimed.
“You know.” I started to say. “I could care less that I’m in New York City. All that matters is that I’m here with you!”

“Yeah! We’re going to take over this city, now that I got my partner in crime by my side! But onto other news. How are you and Justin?” She asked, practically begging for gossip.

“You know what, we’re actually good. But it doesn’t matter what happens in our relationship at this point. We’ve been through it all and we know we can overcome anything. I really think I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this boy Hailes. Does that make me sound crazy?” I asked

“Of course not. It makes sound, in love. And there isn’t anybody else out there more deserving of it than you.” We spent a quick second giving the other a smile, then Hailey moved her hand over the middle console and placed it on top of mine, changing the tone in her voice. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you when you went through the pregnancy scare”. I gave her a warm smile in return.

“It’s okay! I know you’re busy up here. I didn’t expect you to just drop everything.”

We finally got back to her dorm. I was more than thankful I had only brought one suitcase when I found out I’d have to lug it up 6 flights of stairs. “I can’t…believe…you don’t…have an elevator!” I exasperated between deep breaths for air.

Hailey completely ignored my statement as she danced to the door and put her key into the lock. “Welcome to Palace a La Hailey.” She pushed open the door and made an extra effort to hum her own theme music and dazzle her fingers.

“You’re such a goof.” I told her as I squeezed pass her.

I looked around. The place really wasn’t half bad. The walls were covered in pictures and posters. Her bed was overflowing in pillows, and her dresser had the cutest decorations.

I looked just above the futon she had out and squinted at a familiar face.

“Hailey, is that a poster of Justin on your wall?” I asked, laughing.

She shrugged her shoulders, “Yeah. What I can’t be a fan girl?” she joked back.

“It’s just a little, creepy I guess.” I threw my bag onto the futon, which hardly fit with all the pillows she had on there.

I heard a loud sigh come from Hailey’s mouth. “You’re going to hate me right about now?” she said.
I looked at her like she was crazy, “What, why?” I asked.

“I kind of had this study thing with a friend for our final tomorrow. I thought you’d be getting in earlier so we could spend a little time together first…”
I waved my hands for her to get out of here. “Don’t worry about it! You’re final is more important than me right now. I’m exhausted anyways, I’ll probably fall asleep right after you leave anyways.” I explained to her.

She smiled in relief before grabbing her books and dashing out the door.

I pushed my suitcase onto the floor and unfolded the futon, which would be my bed for the next few weeks. I fell back onto the plush mountain of pillows and leaned back my head. I found myself staring into the eyes of my boyfriend’s 15 year old self. I quickly remembered that in a few months I would be turning 20, and suddenly felt a little dirty for staring.
I sat up, hearing a loud pounding on the door. Should I answer? It wasn’t my dorm, but whoever was in the other side started to knock again. I lifted myself up from the futon and walked over the door.

“Who is it?” I shouted.
“It’s me! Open the door” the voice answered back, thinking I was Hailey.

It unlocked the top lock and slowly pulled open the door, “oh.” Said the voice that I could now match up with a face. He stood about the same height as Justin. His blonde hair popped out next to his tanned face. And that smile, where were the words to describe his smile?

“Looking for Hailey?” I asked politely, “Cause she’s not here.”

“Uh, yeah.” He said, scratching his head. He leaned out the the side, looking into Hailey’s room and noticing my suitcase that laid out on the floor. “She didn’t tell me she a had a friend coming to stay with her.”

“BEST friend, actually.” I corrected him as I put my hand out to shake. “I’m Christina.”
“I’m Blake.” He shook my hand, flashing that smile again.

“Would you like to come in until she gets back?” I asked. Before I could finish, he was already walking past me and into her dorm. “So where are visiting from?” he asked.

“Georgia.” I responded.
“Really? I don’t hear an accent.”
“That’s cause I’m originally from Chicago.”
“Have you ever been out here to New York?” he asked again.
“Nope.” He quickly turned around, “No? Then what the heck are you doing in here!”
My felt my cheeks flush pink, “I just got in, then Hailey had to run out.” I admitted.
“No, no, no. Come on. You’re coming with me!” He said as he picked his jacket back up and throw it around his arms.

“What!” I exclaimed. “Go with you? I just met you!”
“My name is Blake Connely. I grew up in Jersey. I’m 22 years old and majoring in Sports Marketing. My parents are happily married, and I don’t have any siblings. I once broke my arm trying to climb a tree and I hate broccoli.”

My cheeks grew hotter. “This is crazy!” I shouted as I searched for a sweatshirt and left Hailey a note.
“No. This is New York! Keep up newbie!”

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 23:42:42 -0400

Chapter 52

I stood in the middle of the airport, Justin only inches away from my face. I wanted to reach out and place my lips onto his, leave them there, and never have them part. He placed his hand on the back of my head, letting his fingers tangle in my blonde waves. I leaned in closer as I felt his lips leave an impression on my forehead.
We were surrounded by hundreds of on-lookers. Some rushing by as they try to make to their flight in time, others moseying along as they try their best at wasting time.
But for some reason, it felt like just Justin and I, all alone in the terminal.
Very few words were spoken. Maybe it was an attempt to avoid unwanted tears. But it was already to late for that.
A single tear fell from my eye leaving a damp path as it trickled down my cheek.
“One month” he whispered.
“It’s going to feel like forever” I said back to him as I closed my eyes.
Justin kissed my closed eyelids
“I’m going to call you every chance I can, ok?”
I lightly shook my head up and down.
“I love you.”
“I love you too”
Justin started to slowly back away towards his gate, as did I. Our hands were finally forced to loosen its grip on the others until I had to let go completely.
Justin waved as I blew him one last kiss, then turned around and headed onward to my own gate. NYC HERE I COME!

I took a seat, making sure nobody was next me. I set my pillow on my lap and my carry-on bag into the seat next to me. I looked up at the flight board above the attendant’s who were swiftly typing away on their computers. My flight looked to be slightly delayed. I slouched back into my chair and let out a loud sigh. I pulled my phone out of my purse and texted Hailey.
- Hey Hails, flight got delayed. Won’t be their till tonight! –
After putting my phone back away, I lightly closed my eyes to rest. But I re-opened them; over an hour had already passed. I sat up, my back a little sore, and pulled out my phone to a new text message from Hailey.
- No worries girl! Just can’t wait till you get here! -
I smiled as I imagined her voice reading her words. When I looked back the smile continued to stay on my face. “Justin?” I questioned.
He smiled back at me and opened his arms as I ran in for a hug.
“What the heck?” I said laughing as I looked into his eyes.
“My flight got delayed and I saw yours on the list as well, thought you could use some company?”
“Always.” I grinned.
Justin did a great job wasting a whole other hour with me, all the up until I heard those dreadful 7 words.

Now boarding flight 639 to New York

“Don’t miss me too much!” Justin started to say. “I still want you to have fun”
“You’re the one I’m worried about!” I teased back.
He gave me a quick kiss, and another one on the cheek.
“Have fun, I love you.”
“I love you too” I said. “And don’t bring home any sizzling Brazilian girls!” I shouted as I walked through the door and onto the plane.
I made my way to the back of the plane until I found my seat. I threw my carry-on up above in the overhead compartment and slipped in by the window. I took out one of Justin’s sweatshirts I borrowed for the trip and slid it over my head. I left the hood up and over my head and pushed the sleeves up to my nose, smelling his sweet scent.
I suddenly felt my stomach knot up as a few more unexpected tear came rushing down my face.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 23:41:08 -0400

Chapter 51

I sat on the opposite side of the couch as Justin as Pattie paced the floors. The room grew with awkward silence, getting worse with each tick and each tock you could here coming from the clock on the wall. I slid my hand down to my wrist and played with the bracelet that I still had on from the hospital.

I’ll cut that off later, I reminded myself.

“I’m not ‘angry’ about the situation. But I am extremely disappointed that you two failed to come to as soon as you found out.” Pattie started to say.
Justin and I both sat there quietly as she continued to go on.
“I fell like some of this may be my fault for being so lenient with the rules around here, but I think now, some of those rules are going to have to change.”

I didn’t want Pattie to sit and put part of the blame onto herself. Justin and I were the ones who decided to take that next step. We knew the consequences of not being safe, yet we chose to anyways. I tried to speak up, but Pattie put her finger up for me not to interrupt her.

“Curfew is 11 o’clock.” She started to list.
“But mom! We’re 19. We’re adults.” Justin argued back while I sat there quietly.
“My house my rules. I expect these rules to also be followed while we’re on the road. So when we’re at a hotel, you are to be in your OWN rooms at 11. If we’re on the bus, Christina you are to sleep in your own bunk.”

Justin tried to argue back again, saying how he was an adult now and that these rules seemed unfair. Pattie told him if he didn’t like her rules he could always, move out, seeing as he was an adult. But Justin quickly shut his mouth to that.
I stood up, looking over at Justin then quickly shooting a smile up at Pattie, “Don’t worry Pattie. These new rules definitely won’t be a problem for us.” And I sarcastically smiled down at Justin before trying to make my way out the door for the pool house.

I heard Justin get and follow me out. And soon as I made it through the door, he picked up the pace and grabbed my arm, trying to stop me. “Christina Wait.” My arm was bruised from falling early today in the hospital, and was very tender when he yanked on it.
I winced a little, “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” Justin asked.
“Well it wouldn’t be the first time.” It took me less than a second to see the pain that caused Justin. It was already raining out, but I knew those were tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

I tore my arm out of his grasp and kept walking.
“So what, you’re just not going to talk to me?” He asked.
“I’m talking to you right now aren’t I?” I asked sarcastically.
He ran fast up ahead of me and stopped, forcing me to stand there facing him.
“I’m serious. You’re going to have to talk to me eventually.”
“Exactly. Eventually, meaning not at this moment. So in the mean time, I just…I just need some time to be by myself.” After saying that, Justin didn’t move another inch. He stood right there as he watched me open the door to the pool house and step inside.

After slowly shutting the door behind me, thinking Justin would run up and stop me, I slammed my back against it and slid down to the floor. I pulled my knees in to my chest and wrapped my tiny arms around them.
I sat there in silence. I broke out into laughter when I began to think, anytime something was wrong, I ran to Justin. Now that the problem is with Justin, I have no where to go, other than up against this door. The thought of having no escape, nobody else to fall back on, turned my laughter into tears.

I sat down on the couch with a hot cup of tea as I watched the late Autumn sun begin to shine in through windows, bringing heat into the slightly chilled house.
It had been slightly over a week since Justin and I have spoken. It was practically eating me up inside. But at this point, I couldn’t even remember why I was so mad at him.

I started thinking back to that day when I was lying in the hospital, hearing the news from the doctor. I wasn’t pregnant.
Just when I was getting used to the idea.
Just when I was beginning to feel the joy of someday becoming a mother.
I guess my heart broke when I heard those words, “You’re not pregnant.”
And I guess my heart broke a little more to see the joy on Justin’s face.

I guess I felt, well I don’t really know how I felt.
It just seemed as though he was only looking out for himself.
Now there wouldn’t be a baby in the way of his dreams.

I took another sip of my tea.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t care if I had to suck it up and be the bigger person. I missed Justin to much. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I put down my glass on the coffee table and slipped on a pair of shoes. It was time for me to apologize to the one guy I loved most in this world and fix my relationship.
But I didn’t have to go far. When I went open the door, there stood Justin, with his fist up about to knock on the door.

“Hi” he said awkwardly as he tried to find a place for his hand.
He opened his mouth again, “I’m sor…”
I jumped into his arms before he could finish. I pressed my lips so hard against his I could feel him fallback onto his heels a little bit.
I was afraid I had made a possible mistake, maybe he wasn’t here to apologize.
But all that flew away when he finally kissed me back, lightly placing his hands around my back side, pressing me even closer against his body.

We finally broke apart, searching for air.
“I’m so sorry Justin.” I gasped.
“I blew everything out of proportion and…”
“I’m sorry too” he broke in.
“I never thought about your feelings at the time. I was just being selfish.”

Now that we got that settled, we went back to the good part.
Kissing.
I grabbed Justin by the shirt, bringing him into the house and shutting the door.
He picked me up, and threw me onto the couch after spinning me around.
“Let’s never fight again.” I said smiling.
Justin leaned down, “Never” then kissed my cheek.

He pulled me back up and I sat there with my legs lying across his.
“Gosh, so what have you been up to in the past week?” I asked.
“Nothing really, Just working on the album. And rehearsing.”
I tilted my head to side in confusion.
“Rehearsing? For what?” I asked.
Justin looked down before letting out a loud sigh.
“South America?” he said under his breathe.
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m completely lost.”
“I may be, possibly going to South America, definitely, for a month long tour.”
He looked up to see what my facial expression was.
“Oh” I said. “Well that’s exciting! Do you guys need me to run rehearsals with the dancers at all?” I asked, always ready to dance again.
But Justin shook his head. “Today was the final day. That’s what we only had this past week to rehears.”
I was still completely confused. “Only a week? When do we leave?” I asked.
“Well that’s the thing. I leave tomorrow night.”
“And what…I fly out the next morning and meet up with you guys?”

Justin shook his head; he wasn’t tell me all the details.
“Then what!” I demanded.
“You’re not coming at all.” He finally said.
“My mom thinks with everything that’s happened, it’s just better if you sit this one out.”
I leaned my head back on the couch.
“You’re kidding me right? So I’m just going to sit here for a month, all alone.”
He placed his hand on my leg, rubbing it softly trying to calm my nerves a little.
“Don’t be mad” he whispered.
I shot him an apologetic look, “I’m not mad” I told. “It just…sucks.”

He pushed my legs off of his and scooted in to sit directly next to me.
“I called Hailey. Her finals are coming up so she’s done with her classes. I thought maybe you could fly out and see her?” He suggested.
The smile came back to my face, “You called her? Really?”
It felt good that he thought enough of me to call my best friend.
“Yes really, and she’s really hoping you’ll go.” He added.
I leaned in and kissed Justin’s cheek, “You better miss me!” I exclaimed.
“Are you kidding? You better not miss me!” He shot back.

I smiled up at him and looked him in his eyes. “Always.”

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 22:24:44 -0400

Chapter 50

I felt myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Each time my eyes opened, I found myself in a different part of the hospital. The last thing I really remembered, was the mask being placed over my lips, pumping the anesthetic into my lungs, slowly putting my into a deep sleep.

My eyes reopened, but quickly closed unexpectedly when the sun hit them. That was funny, wasn’t I just lying in a hospital bed? I didn’t even remember waking up.

I took in a deep breathe, the air was crisp. I sat on a front porch, unsure whose house it belonged too. I noticed the freshly squeezed lemonade sitting on a tray next to me, with three glasses. I wasn’t alone.

I stood up and followed the porch as it wrapped around the entire house. The backyard stretched on for acres. Trees were nothing of short supply, and a small garden sat off to the side. Who ever lived here had a lovely home. A home I wished to one day own myself.

I looked around, but still had not seen anybody. “Hello?” I called out.

No answer. The wind picked up, blowing my blonde hair right off my shoulders.

“Hmm.” I thought to myself. “Is my hair shorter?”

I shrugged it off and stepped down off the porch. The leaves picked up and danced around in the breeze. Fall seemed to be at its end.

“Hello?” I called out again. Maybe nobody was home.

Just then I hear a faint laugh belonging to a little girl. She finally made her way around the side of the house, facing me. She had dirty blonde hair with light brown eyes that seemed to turn green in the sun. She looked to be about 7 years old.

“Come on Mommy!” she giggled, before running off again. I stood still for a second. Could she be?

No.

She must have simply mistaken me for her mother.

I heard another set a feet running around the corner, a louder set.

“Honey? Come on! It’s your turn to seek while we hide.”

His voice was deep, and the features on his face were more mature. But I would knew both anywhere.

“Justin?” I whispered.

I placed my hand up to my mouth. He wasn’t my Justin anymore. He was so…old.

Okay, not that much older. But it was such a difference.

He slowly started walking towards me. He flashed that smile of his. That definitely had not changed. He placed his hands on both of my arms.

“Are you okay?” he asked looking at me funny. Before I could answer, the little brown eyed girl had returned, clinging to Justin’s leg.

“Daddy, is Mommy feeling okay?” she asked. Her smile spread across her face as she looked up at me. She was a spitting image of her father.

“She is acting kind of silly isn’t she Roselyn!”

“Yeah! Really silly!” she exclaimed.

Justin got closer, his lips only inches from mine. Before I knew, I felt that same tingling sensation on the back of my neck. A feeling I felt anytime Justin put his hands on me.

When he backed away, I was finally starting to understand it all.

“Is this our daughter?” I whispered.

“Gosh, I sure hope so. Things were a mess last time we got her mixed up with another child!” he said laughing.

He took my hand as we began walking through the yard, Roselyn skipping along as she jumped in the piles of leaves.

This was our life 7 years down the road. We had a beautiful home, with a beautiful yard, and most importantly, a beautiful Family

We had a daughter. And we named her after my mother.

If anything, she was a gift from God. She didn’t ruin our lives one bit.

I stopped, turning towards Justin, having just one question to ask.

“Are we happy?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. Not even to have my career back.” He said.

Just then, his face began to slowly disappear as white light shown through the parts that broke away.

“Justin?” I said.

“Justin?” I shouted again as things then went completely dark.

“Justin!”

“Hey, I’m right here.” I opened my eyes, finding my self back in my hospital bed, with my hand enclosed in Justin’s.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, concerned.

I lifted my free hand; placing my warm palm against his cheek.

“Nothing.” I said looking down at my stomach. Any worries I had in these past few days were now gone. I couldn’t wait to start this next step with Justin.

“Everything’s going to be fine.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” He said, interrupting my moment.

“The Doctor said he some things he had to talk to us about, but wanted to wait until you were awake.” He said. Suddenly I began to worry again.

“How did you know to come to the hospital?” I asked. Changing the subject.

“I was with my mom. I was just about to tell her when the hospital called her.”

Just then, Pattie walked through the door with the Doctor following behind her.

I tried sitting up, when Justin helped me as he placed a pillow behind my back.

“Christina, how are we feeling?” the doctor asked as he looked through my paperwork.

“Fine, I guess.”

There was a long pause as the Doctor hmm’d and humm’d to himself.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked, looking over at Justin.

“Well it says here that you were down at the pediatric center to have a side pain checked out when you collapsed.” I looked over at Pattie. Her face looked confused.

“Why would you be down there for a side pain?” he asked.

I didn’t want to say it. Not with Pattie standing right there. This wasn’t how we wanted to tell her, but the doctor was standing there waiting for my answer.

“I’m pregnant, and the pains were starting to concern me.” I couldn’t even look Pattie’s way. But by the sound of her gasp, I knew she wasn’t happy.

The doctor looked back through my paperwork shaking his head.

“Sweetheart, you’re not pregnant.” My heart dropped, and I could hear Pattie gasp again.

“I am! I took two tests, and they were both positive.” I exclaimed. I suddenly felt my face becoming red. Tears were starting to well up in my eyes. After my dream, having Justin’s child was something I was looking forward to. I wanted that life so badly.

“Trust me, you’re not. During surgery we found a stomach ulcer. That’s what was causing your pain. Sometimes the acid that is released into your urine can play with your hormone levels, which would make something as simple as a home pregnancy test turn positive.” He explained.

“Oh thank God” Justin whispered as he bent his head down, placing his forehead on my stomach.

“The nurse will be in, in a bit to explain the changes you’ll have to make in the next few weeks until this ulcer clears up and you’ll be released to go.”

The doctor left the room, and after a not-so-nice glare from Pattie, she too was gone before she could say anything she’d regret.

Justin lifted his head back up, as a smile grew on his face.

“Thank God?” I asked him. “What happened to ‘We’re in this together?’”

“We are. Well, were.” He stuttered, realizing he said the wrong thing.

I slowly shook my head, “Glad to know this was becoming such a burden.” I said.

“Oh come on.” He said in a sweet tone, trying to grab my hand.

I pulled it away from him, “Don’t touch me.” I said, raising my voice.

“Baby!” he exclaimed.

“I’m not your baby Justin. I’m not your anything, anymore.”

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 22:23:48 -0400

Chapter 49

“Don’t be scared.” He whispered.

“I’m not” I whispered back “Im more than scared.”

Justin stood there, holding my weak, fragile self until I could stand back on my own two feet. I remembered that I couldn’t have been the only one feelng this way. What was going on in Justin’s head? He was to busy consoling me that he didn’t show an ounce of fear. He was being strong for the both of us.

I moved my arms, wiggling them out of his grasp and wrapping them around him. Holding him. I felt his weight give in to me, leaning his burden onto my shoulders.

Justin was just as scared as I was. We were so young, only 19. And in nine months, we’d be bringing a child into this world.

That night Justin and I barley got any sleep.

At one point I sat up, noticing Justin sitting at the foot of the bed with his face buried in his palms.

“You okay babe?” I asked placing my hand on his back.

He lifted his head, turning it to face me. His eyes were red, and swollen. He had been crying.

“My mom. She’s going to be so disappointed in me.” He said. His voice was raspy. Almost as if you could here the burning in his throat.

“Justin, your mother is the most, caring, understanding person I’ve…”

“No, You doing understand. She had me when she was 17. She’s lived it. She knows how hard it is. This was the last thing she would have wanted for us.”

I reached under his arm, slipping my fingers between his,

“When we tell her, we tell her together. Your fight is my fight.” I told him

He kissed my forehead and leaned his heavy head on mine; letting the silence fill in for the words we didn’t know to say.

The next morning dragged on. I woke up way before Justin, and I tried to find something to make the time go by. I watched TV for a while, but quickly got bored again.

I was on my way to the bathroom, when I caught the sight of myself in the floor length mirror on the closet door. I backed up, taking another look.

I lifted up my shirt, tracing over my flat stomach with my fingers.

I turned around grabbing on of my sweatshirts from the laundry basket and tuck it under my shirt. Turning from side to side, I wanted to see what I would soon look like.

“You look beautiful, no matter how big your tummy is.” Justin said as he walked up behind me and wrapped him arms around me.

“I didn’t know you where awake.” I exclaimed.

He squeezed me tighter, kissing the side of my neck, making me giggle.

“Do you want me to go lay back down & get up again so you can watch?” he asked with a smirk. I playfully pushed him away, making him fall back onto the bed.

“Only if I can lay back down with you” I said.

He placed his hand on my lower back and flipped over on top of me.

He leaned down, slowly kissing my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, then finally placing his soft lips on mine. I felt that spark light up. The one that lit every time he touched me. I’ve known Justin for two years, and every time he touched, it was like it was for the first time.

He lifted me up, pulling at the bottom of my shirt, but stopped him as the pain in my side started to act up again.

He let go of my right away, trying not to make it worse.

“We should probably go and see a doctor soon. Right?”

I shook my head, “I’ll make some calls tomorrow.”

Justin got up off of me, helping me up as well.

“I have no clue what I’m going to do today” Justin sighed, as he walked off looking for something to entertain him.

“Hey, maybe you should get out for a while. Head down to the studio.” I suggested to Justin. “I don’t want to leave you here by yourself.” He told me.

I smiled, running my fingers through his hair. “I’ll be fine baby.”

He kissed my forehead before heading for the door.

“Hey.” He said while turning back around “How about you come with today.”

“I wouldn’t want to be in the way…”

“You won’t be! Please.” He begged.

“Let me just change my shirt.” I said, giving in too his smirk.

This was the first time I tagged along with Justin to the studio. I was actually pretty excited. Traffic was backed up on the highway so it took us longer then expected to get downtown. I winced a little bit, pain quietly lingered in my side.

Justin reached over, placing the palm of his hand on the back of my neck.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Physically or mentally?” I sarcastically asked.

Justin looked away. “Have you thought about how we’re going to tell your mom?” I asked again.

“No, but I know the longer we wait the harder it’ll be” he said.

I reached across, placing my hand on his leg.

“It’s going to be okay.”

Traffic finally let up, and we were at the studio in no time. When we got in, it was slightly intimidating, meeting so many well-known people at one time. But it felt good when a familiar face broke through the crowd.

“Scooter!” I exclaimed.

“Hey kid! It’s been awhile!” Scooter said as he scooped me into his arms, squeezing me tight. I winced again at the pain, but quickly hid it.

After he let me down, I placed my hand over my side, rubbing it.

“Did I squeeze you too tight?” He laughed, trying to look where the pain was.

I put my hands out, stopping him from touching it, “I’m fine, really.”

His attention changed directions when someone called out his name.

I looked around for Justin, but he was already in the booth getting himself ready to lay the first track of the day.

I got myself settled on the couch towards the back of the room, pulling out my laptop from my bag. I did the usual: Facebook, Twitter, YouTube.

But my attention span was short today. After a while I was browsing the web and found myself on a maternity website. I was looking through there catalog, they actually made appealing cloths for pregnant women. I knew soon enough I’d be ordering from them too.

“Babe!” Justin called out, startling me. I quickly shut the laptop and placed it back in my bag. “What were you doing?” he asked laughing.

“Nothing.” I smiled.

“Well come here, I need your help with something.” I got up, following him back into the booth. It was tightly enclosed, but Justin stood behind me with his hands on my hips. “Okay, So we got the first verse and the chorus, but I’m having trouble coming up with the bridge.” He started to say.

“Well what comes right before the bridge?” I asked.

Justin opened his mouth and started to sing the first verse.

It’s like every time you fall

no one’s there to lend you a helping hand.

Wondering will you spend your life facing four walls

Like Standing in quick sand.

Don’t let your guard down

Keep your head up

Life comes at you fast, got to stay strong.

“And we just need two more lines, but I can’t come up with anything.” He told me.

I stood there, trying to think of something. But my mind completely blocked everything, feeling intimidated trying to come up with lyrics for ‘Justin Bieber’

“Okay, how about this.” I said, finally coming up with something

I know what you can be

Cause underneath

You’ve had wings all along.

Justin kissed my neck, “You’re amazing. How’d you come up with that so fast.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I have no clue”

“Well will you sing the harmony on it for me?”

I quickly turned around. “You mean like for practice or …”

“No, like legit, for the record.” He said.

I shook my head fast, “There’s no way I’m singing.” I told him.

“Come on. I hear you singing in the car next to me all the time. I know your capable of it. Please?” he asked again, pouting with his bottom lip.

I took a deep breathe before finally agreeing to do it. Justin picked me up, and tried to spin me around in the cramped booth.

“Alright run it back” Justin said into the mic, and the music started playing.

We only needed on take to get my part done. Hearing my own voice on Justin’s track was strange but exciting at the same time.

I left the booth to grab us both waters.

When I came back into the room, the pain on my side continued to grow, just like the other night. It almost became too much to handle. Justin sat in the booth taking a quick break, so I figured now was a good time to tell him I wasn’t feeling well.

“Well do you want me to take you home?” he asked, concerned.

“I don’t want you to leave in the middle of your session.” I said.

“Would you be alright to drive yourself?”

“How would you get home them?” I asked

“Don’t worry about me. Just get yourself home, okay?”

He gave me a kiss before taking the keys out of his back pocket.

“Just text me when you get back to the house so I know you’re okay.”

I smiled, “I will. I love you.

“I love you too.”

As I drove back the house, I thought I was going to have to pull over.

The pain stayed consistent and wouldn’t let up.

I searched through my phone for the number to the hospital.

“I know you normally have to have an appointment, but I am pregnant but experiencing severe pains, and I’m slightly concerned.” I told the women over the phone.

I gave her my name and she told to come on in and they would take me immediately.

So I made a U-turn and headed straight to the doctors.

I quickly parked the car, rushing inside to the second floor.

I signed in, telling them about the previous phone I had made a few minutes early.

They told me it’d only be a few more minutes till they’d be ready for me.

As I sat, I felt my phone vibrating.

It was a text from Justin.

| Im on my way home. Scooter’s dropping me off. And I can’t wait any longer, Im telling my mom as soon as I get home. Its killing me inside Christina. I love you. |

Right as I was about to text Justin, telling where I was, the doctor came through the door.

“Christina? We’re ready for you.”

Stood up, feeling light headed. I headed for the door, but noticed as it seemed to get farther away instead of closer. Blackness slowly engulfed my vision, causing me to fall on the ground.

“Get her to the Emergency Room now!” I head the doctor yell before the world around fell silent.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 22:23:13 -0400

Chapter 48

I was finally about to stand back up. The pain was still there, but had diluted enough to which it became bare able. I picked myself back up, searching through my vanity for more Tylenol. The first thing that ran through my mind was I was experiencing severe menstrual cramps. But that was strange, see as I wasn’t supposed to get my period for another…

I dropped the pill bottle into the sink and quickly searched for my purse. I dug deep until I finally found my planner. I gasped as my hands met my open mouth. According to this, I should have started the day after we returned from Paris. I was already almost two weeks late.

I threw my planner back into my purse and sat down on the couch. It was already pitch black outside, and I hadn’t had any lights on inside. The darkness I sat in mocked me. Mimicking the way I suddenly felt deep inside. I pushed myself over, forcing myself to lie on my back, allowing the darkness to consume my numb mind.

I woke up the next morning, not remember how long it took me to fall asleep. Feeling a little disorientated, I noticed the blanket that now lay over my body. I didn’t remember this being here last night. I felt something start to move down by my feet. I quickly jumped up, my heart racing a million beats a second.

“Justin. You scared me!”

“You should start locking that door at night.” He said while handing me a glass of orange juice.

“I usually do, but I fell asleep by accident last night.”

“I can see that.” He pointed out.

I sat up, grabbing the glass from his hand. My mind suddenly went back to last night. The fear crept back into my mind. I didn’t even know if I could actually be pregnant, but the option was still there. Now came the tough part.

Do I tell Justin?

Or do I not tell Justin?

I didn’t want him to worry over nothing, but at the same time I don’t want to go through this alone. Besides, this affects his life just as much as it does mine.

“Justin. We need to talk…” I finally got out.

“Uh oh. That’s never good.” He got a little more comfortable, moving a piece of my hair before letting his arm rest on my shoulder.

“Remember Paris?” I started to say.

He smiled, ‘Yeah of course.”

I started to shake my head, “I’m, not finished. Remember that night, when we…”

He let out a little laugh and smiled. “It was the second best night of my life.” He told me.

I was a little puzzled, “Well, what was your first?” I asked.

“The night I first told you I loved you and you said it back.”

My heart melted, covering over all fear I had about what’s possible about to happen in mw life. I snapped myself back to reality, “Did you…” I stopped and closed my eyes, taking a deep breathe. “Did you wear a condom?” Everything that night was so amazing, but I couldn’t remember for the life of me if we were even safe.

I saw Justin’s expression drop. I saw the fear that filled me fill his eyes. I could tell by the look on his face, he didn’t.

“You’re not…?”

“I’m two weeks late Justin.” Hearing it out loud made things very real. Justin saw the tears start to well up in my eyes. He quickly grabbed the glass of orange juice out of my hand and placed it on the coffee table next to his.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m scared. I need my mom here. I need her so badly.” I could hardly understand the words coming out of my mouth as I sobbed. Justin took me into his arms, leaving no space between the two of us. He placed his hand on the lower part of my back and kissed my forehead, leaving his lips there.

As scared as I was, I felt safe in this moment. Justin was there for me, he was ready to face this with me. Not run away. That’s all I needed to know.

We spent the next hour talking. Talking about our life together. Talking about how our life would be with a baby on the way, and the things we’d have to change. We stopped after the whole idea started to make me feel dizzy. But this wasn’t something we could put on hold. We had to know. We decided to head down to the store to get a home test.

“I’m going to take a quick shower before we head out ok babe?” I shouted as I walked into the bathroom. I undressed while the water ran. After stepping into the steam, I heard the bathroom door opening.

“Justin?”

He pulled back the shower curtain, dropping the towel he has placed around his hips.

“Justin!”

“Move over.” He said laughing “I gotta shower to!”

“Does it have to be in mine?” I asked now laughing myself.

“Just think of it as being eco-friendly. We’re conserving water.” He winked.

Justin tried maneuvering his way around to grab the soap.

“Ugh! What is that smell?” He leaned back in disgust.

“Lilac and Vanilla.” I said snobby, as I grabbed it out of his hands. This time I had to get around him to get to the shampoo. Justin and I both laughed as we lathered up our hair and made sill hair-do’s out of it.

“You’re such a water hog!” Justin exclaimed as he tried to lean in to rinse his hair. “Here, let me help you.” I ran my hands through his hair gently as I got the last of the shampoo out. When he leaned back up he looked me deep in the eyes, my hands still tangled in his hair. He wiped the soap off the side of my face before pulling me in close; my cheek pressed again his chest and the hot water running down the both of us.

“You ready?” Justin asked as we walked out the front door and headed to the car. “Don’t really have a choice.” I told him, and he reached out to grab my hand.

Justin opened my door before getting in on the other side. We got down to the drug store with out one single paparazzi following our trail for the first time. I followed Justin to the right aisle. “How many?” he asked quietly

“Two. Just to be sure.”

Just grabbed the 2 boxes, taking the tests out of their box and throwing them into my bad.

“Justin what are you doing that’s stealing!”

“I know. But you wanted this to stay quiet. And if we don’t it this way, the cashier is bound to say something.”

I didn’t say anything else. Justin was right, you couldn’t trust anybody.

We picked out drink and a bag of chips before finally checking out.

“Will that be all for you guys today?” The cashier asked.

We made back out to the car clear. Justin took the tests out his pocket and put them in the bag. I started to feel dizzy again, right before the sharp pain his my side for the first time again. “Are you going to be okay?” Justin asked.

“Yes. Just get me home.”

When we got back, we both went straight to the pool house and into the bathroom.

“Wait, Justin, get out!” I exclaimed as he tried to follow in.

I did what I had to do, leaving the tests on the sink while I impatiently waited 10 minutes for the results to show up. I sat next to Justin on the couch, my leg bouncing uncontrollably. The timer went off, making me jump. My nerves were all over the place.

Justin and I looked at each other before getting up.

“I can’t do it. Can you look at them?” I asked.

“Wait!” I screamed out.

“What?” He asked.

“ If these test results are positive, I don’t want this to get in the way of your dreams, or your career. I’ll do what I need too to make sure none of this changes things.”

He started to shake his head. “No. We’re in this together.”

He picked both of them up. I couldn’t tell, his expression showed nothing/

“Well?” I asked again. He looked up at me. Now I knew why I couldn’t read his face. Because the answer was all in his eyes. He reached out and brought me into him.

“Don’t be scared.” He whispered.

“I’m not” I whispered back “Im more than scared.”

And I stood there in the bathroom, sobbing until my throat was on fire.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 22:21:34 -0400

Chapter 47

I found myself in the airport’s terminal, once again having to say goodbye.

“Are you sure you have to leave so soon! You were hardly here for a week!”

I said as Hailey stood in front of me, holding both of my hands. She quickly let go to catch a tear as it started to roll down her cheek.

“Trust me, I don’t want to! But I’ve already missed a few days of class, and college makes to exceptions for visiting best friends!”

Now I had tears running down my face too. Hailey reached over and wiped them away for me. “Don’t cry! You know I’m just a phone call away. No matter what time of the day!” She started to say. “Who knows, maybe on a weekend you can come visit me at NYU. Experience college!” she suggested, then finishing it off with a wink.

“Now boarding flight 7556 to New York.”

I took a deep breathe, and squeezed Hailey as tight as I could. “I’ll miss you best friend” I whispered into her ear. “I’m going to miss you too BF”.

And she let go, then turned around and boarded the plane.

I walked back through the airport, free of paparazzi. Well at least until I got over by the security check that none of them could get through. There flashes began to blind me and ear scrambled, as each question blended into the next.

“CHRISTINA! WHERE’S JUSTIN? DID YOU GUYS BREAK UP?”

“CHRISTINA OVER HERE! OVER HERE CHRISTINA!”

“IS IT TRUE YOU WONT LET JUSTIN CONTINUE WITH HIS MUSIC CARRER?”

My head snapped up. “No. Never!” I shot back. “Never in a million years would I tell Justin not to go after his dreams.” I put my head down and popped in my headphones after that. I didn’t want to hear anything else from them.

Kenny met me on the other side of security, “You have nothing to prove to these people. They’re just trying to stir something up.” He said to me as he placed his hand behind my back and helped me through the jungle of flashing lenses and out to the car.

Justin jumped out of the backseat, holding the door open and letting me climb inside.

“JUSTIN! OVER HERE!”

Justin jumped back into the car after me and shut the door, as Kenny began to drive off.

“Man, we can never catch a break can we?” I ignored his question as I stared out the back window, and wiping away the last tear that fell down my cheek.

“Hey, don’t worry; you’re going to see her again soon!” Said Justin as he scooted closer to me, putting his arm around me. I leaned down, placing my head deep into his shoulder.

“It just sucks, you know?” I said. If anything, Justin knew what it was like to only see his best friends a couple times here & there.

He reached over and squeezed my hand. “You still got me” he said. And for some reason, that only made me feel more alone.

Kenny dropped us off back home. But before walking into the house, I had to get something of my mind that had been bothering me the whole car ride.

“Justin.” I shouted, right as he was opening the front door. He shut it before turning around. “What is it?” he asked as he came back down the front steps. “You need to get back in the studio. Get back to doing what you love.” He reached out and put his hands on my arms. “Where’s this coming from?” he asked. “I know you Justin. I know your dying to get back to work. But something’s holding you back. And if it’s me, I don’t want to hold you back!” I told him.

“You not…” he started to say before I interrupted him. “I don’t want to know what’s holding you back. But whatever it is, don’t let it.” I finished telling him.

“You know, that means I won’t be around much. Will you be okay with that?” he asked.

“I’m more than okay with that!” Justin’s mood went through the roof. His smile went from ear to ear. He vibrantly kissed me quickly on the lips. “Thank you babe.” He said.

He ran up the porch steps, “Are you going to come in?”

I smiled and shook my head, “Nah. I think I’m just going to head around back. I’m tired, so I’m just going to lie down.” I said.

“Ok. Oh and Christina…I love you.”

“I love you too Justin.”

The next morning, I woke up to the sun shining bright, making it through my blinds and onto my face. After laying there for a couple of minutes, I finally dragged myself out of bed and into the kitchen for some fresh orange juice Pattie squeezed for me yesterday.

But as I was reaching into the cupboard for a class, I hear a knock on the door. I gracefully skipped over to answer.

“Oh. Hi Pattie!” I said, surprised to see her.

“Oh I’m sorry, you probably thought I was Justin, huh?” she started to say.

“Do you mind if I come in?” she asked in her squeaky usual self.

“Oh of course!” I answered as I closed the door behind her.

“I was just going to pour myself a glass of orange juice, do you want some?” I asked her politely.

“Why not” she answered.

I poured a glass for each of us, and then joined her at the kitchen table.

“So what’s up Pattie?”

“Well, as you know, Justin’s gone for the day.”

My face dropped a little.

“Oh. You didn’t know. He woke up this morning and had Scooter take him straight to the studio. Something’s got into that boy.” Pattie started saying.

My mouth turned back into a smile, he finally got back to work.

“Anywho! He probably won’t be back tonight, so I though maybe you and I could do some girl bonding time?” Pattie suggested as she flashed a smile.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I exclaimed.

“Great! Get yourself together and meet me in the house girl!”

And she ran back out the door.

I threw our glasses in the sink and ran into the bathroom, quickly jumping in the shower.

As I got out, I winced a little as a sharp pain made its way from my side to the middle of my stomach. It disappeared as fast as it came and I just shook it off.

I got dressed and left my hair to dry on its own, then ran across the yard to the main house. I thought about knocking, but the handle was unlocked, so I just walked in.

“Pattie?” I yelled through the house.

“I’m in the kitchen!” I heard faintly.

I walked through the back room, down the hall, noticing new pictures of me & Justin she had added to the walls, and then finally turning into the kitchen.

Pattie smiled, but she wasn’t the only one smiling at me. To her side stood Caitlin.

“I hope you don’t mind if Caitlin tags along, this girl’s day was her idea after all.”

I took a quick deep breathe, remembering how she somewhat snubbed me off the other night. “Of course I don’t mind”.

Just then, I felt a faint vibration in my back pocket.

“Hi baby. I’ve been thinking about you all day, I even put a picture of you in the booth so I can look at you while I sing. I Miss you. Oh…my mom said Caitlin was coming over, you pretty ladies play nice ;)”

I smiled before putting my phone back into my pocket. When I looked back up, I had two pairs of eyes staring at me, curious as to what put the smile on my face in the first place.

“Sorry. So, what’s the plan?” I asked.

“Mani/Pedi’s?” Caitlin suggested

“Sounds good to me” Pattie followed

“Same!” I joined in.

We all climbed in Pattie’s car, and drove down town to a local salon.

Both Caitlin and I found seats by each other for our Pedicures as Pattie choose to get her nails done first. I grabbed a magazine, just in case things became awkward.

“Oh, can you grab me one too?” Asked Caitlin. She must have had the same idea.

“So dish! How’d you and Justin meet?” she asked, breaking the ice.

“Actually Scooter invited me out to audition for the open choreographers position, and…”

“Oh how adorable! Well even though you didn’t get the job, I’m glad things still worked out for you two!”

I stopped her before she could say anymore, “Actually, I ‘did’ get the job”

“Oh! Well then you were smart to hook up with him, otherwise he probably would have given it someone else.” She said.

I tried my best not to roll my and get an attitude. “I don’t know where your getting these ideas, but I made sure Justin’s and I relationship was strictly business. And it was for a good 2 ½ months.” I fought back.

“Wow, really. Shocking.”

That was it. I stood up; taking my feet out from the warm water they had been soaking in.

“What’s your problem?” I demanded.

She looked me up and down, “Nothing. I’m just trying to find what he sees so appealing in you. If you ask me, you’re kind of…plain.”

I wanted to say something back, but that’s what she wanted, she wanted a reaction out of me. So instead, I was the bigger person and walked away.

The rest of the day was spent shopping. I did my best to keep my mouth shut and my distance between Caitlin, who seemed to act as if nothing had happened. We stepped into a shop that you’d never find back in my home town. Nothing was priced under a thousand dollars. I didn’t even bother looking around.

“It’s ok. Pick a few things out if you’d like.” Pattie whispered to me.

“Really?” I asked.

She shook her head and smiled, before returning to the racks.

I started roaming around the store with me eyes, trying to find something I’d like.

I’ve always been jeans & a t-shirt with a baseball cap kind of girl. Everything in looked like it could have been worn to an awards show.

I eventually spotted a few summer dresses, not as simple as I’d like, but they were beautiful. They were flowy, and sparkled. Something I could wear to a nice dinner.

Why not. So I handed them to Pattie when we checked out and couldn’t wait to wear them out.

As we drove back to the house, we dropped of Caitlin.

“Bye girls! Had a blast! Let’s do this again sometime!” she said in a peppy voice. I rolled my eyes before moving up to the front seat.

“Are you hungry Christina? I can’t make something to eat when we get home.”

I placed my hands over my stomach, the sharp pain had returned again, this time on the other side of my waist. “I’m not really feeling so well. I think I’m just going to lie down for a while.” I told her.

We pulled in and grabbed my bags from the back seat. “Can you have Justin come wake me up when he gets home?’ I asked Pattie.

“Of Course.” She answered.

I started to walk around the house before I stopped again, “Oh and Pattie? Thanks for everything today, I had a nice time.”

She smiled before walking into the front door.

I walked into the pool house and kicked off my shoes. I pulled my hair back into a messy bun as I walked back into the bathroom searching for some Tylenol for the pain.

I looked up into the mirror. I traced my fingers over my features, looking at my makeup.

Did I really look ‘plain’? I ran and grabbed the magazine a snatched from the salon and opened it up. I studied pictures of Celebes, noticing how they looked out in public as the Paparazzi snapped shots of them without there knowledge. I took my makeup bag out from under the sink and dumped everything I had into the sink.

Some blush here.

A little red lipstick there.

I tried applying my mascara and eyeliner on thicker than normal, attempting the ‘cat eye’ look.

When I was finished, I stepped back. I hardly noticed the girl staring back at me. I let down my hair, as it swept across my shoulders. I got undressed, quickly running back out to my bedroom grabbing one my new dresses. This one was white, strapless, and sparkles covered the bust. I looked down at the magazine; I could pass as one of them.

“Babe?”

I heard from the living room. It was Justin’s voice.

“Are you awake?” he yelled again.

“Coming!” I was excited to show Justin my new look.

“Hi!” I squealed as I came out of the bathroom.

He smile dropped, as he looked at me. I suddenly felt insecure and wanted to run back in the bathroom to change. ‘You got a hot date I don’t know about?” he asked, letting out a laugh. “No…” I answered.

“Then why are you all dressed up. Are you wearing lipstick?” he laughed again.

I turned around, starting to unzip the back of my dress and take it off, running into the bedroom in my underwear.

“Christina, wait.”

“No it’s fine. Your laughter told me you didn’t like it.”

“Hey hey hey!” he exclaimed as he grabbed my arm and turned me around.

“I do like it! You look beautiful! It’s just not “you”. Besides, how can I kiss you when you’re wearing red lipstick!” he asked, leaning down and kissing my cheek.

“So you don’t think I’m to…plain?” I said pouting as I looked up at him.

“Plain? No! I like the way you normally look. I think natural’s more sexy.” He said as he squeezed me tighter.

That was the first and last time I let anything Caitlin says get to my head.

“So, you wanna pop some popcorn and watch a movie tonight?” I asked him.

He winced, “Actually, I was kind of, gong to go watch the game with Christian at his house, is that ok?” he asked.

I wanted to tell him no. I had missed him all day; I just wanted to spend some time with my guy. But I was so proud of him. Working hard all day. I wanted to make sure he could have time to himself too. “Yeah. Go have fun.” I said as I stood up onto my tip-toes and kissed him on the lips. “You the best” he exclaimed before running back out the door.

I started to make my back to the bathroom to wash off this crazy make-up.

But before I could make it out the bedroom, the pain hit again. This time worse then ever before. It knocked me right off my feet. I rolled on the floor as I clenched my stomach, screaming in pain.

If You Let Me Inside Your World

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 22:20:51 -0400

Chapter 46

[Justin’s POV]

“I’ve finished at least 7 songs now!” I explained to Usher, excited to get back to work on this new album.

“It’s this girl isn’t it? She does something you. It’s like she pushes you to be your best.” He told me. “But we got to get you in the studio soon. I’m talking like next week!” Usher continued to say.

My attention drifted from him when I heard a door slam somewhere throughout the house.

“Hold that thought.” I said before excusing myself. I stood up, looking around the room trying to find where it came from. I started walking through the crowd, heading towards the kitchen.

That’s when I saw him for the first time tonight. I didn’t even know he was here.

“What are you doing here Chase?” I asked him in a low voice, sneaking up behind him. He stopped leaning on the kitchen door for one second to turn around. “Man, Scooter brought Ok?” he said, already putting tension between us. “I didn’t mean at this party. Meant here, leaning on this door. What’s behind it?” I asked, figuring I already knew the answer. Chase slightly hung his head lower, “Christina.” Something inside of me turned. I took a step closer, getting right up to his face. “”Listen good. If so much as THINK about touching her, EVER, I’ll finish what we started last year. And this time you won’t be walking away.. Got it?”

With out anything word, he pushed off the door and started to walk to the other way. I knocked a few time, placing my ear close to the door but never heard a response. I quietly walked in, finding her sitting on the floor, her back up against the island in the middle of the room. Her knees were pulled close to her chest, as her head was far buried in them.

I sat down next to her, placing my hand on her arm. She jumped at my touch. She must not of heard me come in.
“What is he doing here” she asked.
“I don’t like the idea either Christina but…” she couldn’t let me finish before interrupting “WHAT IS HE DOING HERE” she raised her voice as she stood up and paced. I stood up with her, reaching my hands out, trying to comfort her but she pushed them away.
“Christina, he’s scooters nephew…” that wasn’t an excuse, but it something to reason with.
“Oh yeah? Well he’s also the guy who almost raped me.” Hearing her say those words, it hurt, they burned as they entered my ears and into my brain. To think, my baby, raped? It’s something that could never be processed.
“But he didn’t…” I whispered to her. I thought I was helping. Instead I was only adding fuel to her fire.
“He grabbed me Justin. Left marks. He made sure I couldn’t move my hands as he ripped off my dress and put his hands in places I’m to embarrasswd to say. That alone is enough to traumatize someone” She paused for a second, letting her body shiver as the thoughts re-entered her memory.

“He could’ve been my first instead of you. That’s all I kept thinking as he puts lips to mine.” She whispered as tears built up in her eyes..
“It wouldn’t have count.” I whispered back as I wiped away the first tear that fell from her face. “But instead of focusing on the negative, try turning it around. Like how he didn’t go farther than he did, hoe I made it in time, or how you made it through, and got past it all, at least I thought you were past it.”

She looked down as she played with her hands, “I was. I still am. I mean. I don’t know. Seeing him just brought back all that hatred that I had buried away…” she clutched onto her stomach, as if that’s where the pain was. I took her arms, unfolding them and holding ‘em down by her side. “Now that we’re back here, he’s bound to show up now and then. As much as I despise that, he happens to be related to my manager. We’re going to learn to deal with him being in the same room as us. But as long as I’m around, he’s not getting near you.” I assured her.

I placed my hands on either side of her face, looking into her eyes, today they were grey. They changed with her mood. When she’s scared, or feeling vulnerable, they turn a deep navy. When she’s happy, they turn turquoise, with green around the edges. When they were grey, that meant she felt safe, secured. And today, they were grey. She finally let out a sigh of relief and smiled. “Do you believe in fate?” she asked me. I didn’t even have to think about my answer, “I believe in God. And that’s all the fate I need in life. Why?” I asked.

“I think seeing each that day in Chicago was fate. Almost like God knew I would need you again in my life.” I leaned in and kissed. I knew then that she truly was sent to my by God.

“You guys! You’ll never who I’ve been talking to for like, a whole 2 minutes!” Hailey shouted as she busted through the kitchen door. “Chris Brown! Omg I’m still shaking!” she paused to look at me and Christina standing there staring at here. She quickly changed her attitude, “I mean, it was cool. You know, psh just Chris Brown.” We chuckled a little bit at her. I let go of Christina’s hands, “Hey I’m gonna get back to the party, are you going to be ok?” I asked her and I kissed her cheek. She nodded her head and I left her and Hailey alone.

[Christina’s POV]

Justin’s warm lips touched the surface of my cheek before disappearing through the door.

I turned to smile at Hailey before taking a seat over at the table. “Thanks again for taking the time to come out here. You don’t know how much it means to me!” I said to her.

She took the seat across from me and shot me a sentimental smile. “These past two years…” I stopped to shake my head, I couldn’t find where to begin when describing how these past few years have gone.

“I know it’s hard, considering everything you’ve been through. First loosing Mindy!….”

Mindy. My best friend. Don’t get me wrong, Hailey was a great friend too. But Mindy Was more than that. We’d known each other almost our whole life. She knew me better then anyone. Saying goodbye to her at her funeral was like saying goodbye to my sister. I felt horrible.
“And now you’re parents. But I promise there’s light at the end of this tunnel. There will always be happiness after suffering. Some people just suffer longer than others.” Her words were reassuring to me. “You know what its like.” I started to say, “How long did it take you until you could think of your mother without feeling, that empty hole inside of you reopen?”

“Not long. Believe me I miss her dearly, but I was so young. I knew I had so much life left to live. I didn’t want to waste it lying in bed all day with the curtains closed. She wouldn’t have wanted it that way. So I continued on, learning to smile instead of cry when remembering a memory. I live everyday for her. So I make sure it’s to its fullest.”

“Am I ever going to forget them?”

“No. They’re your parents. You couldn’t forget them even if you tried.”

“Thanks Hailey”

She put her hand over mine.

‘What are friends for?”

She stood up, dragging me along with her, “Come on. This party is for you too and you’re missing it!” and we headed back to the party.

When I walked back out into the living room, I saw Pattie coming my way, and she looked like she had somebody for me to meet. “Christina! There you are.” She gave me a quick hug. “Are you having a good time? I know you don’t really know any of these people.” She gave me one of those ‘sorry’ smiles. “Oh no! It’s ok Pattie! It’s still great. And Hailey’s here, so there’s someone I know!”

“Well here, there’s someone else I would like you to meet!” she stepped over to the side, “Christina this is Caitlin Beadles!” Caitlin stuck out her hand, and I reached out to shake it. We both knew who the other one was. Justin’s old girlfriend and Justin’s new girlfriend. Things became a little tense. “Yeah we live just right up the street. Pattie was worried that once your friend had to leave that’d you wouldn’t have any ‘girlfriends’.” She paused to smile and take a breath, as if she didn’t want to say the rest, “But if you ever just want some girl time, just call! We can hang out anytime.”

I thought for a second, how awkward that would be, but smiled back. “Thanks! I’m sure I’ll eventually need it!”

Pattie jumped back into the conversation, “Aw, I hope you guys can become great friends, I gotta run! Talk! Get to know each other!” and she was off.

We both stood there, looking around wondering who would break the awkward silence, when Caitlin looked at me, half smiled, then turned around and walked away.

I looked around. Justin was with Hailey introducing her to practically everyone in the music industry. Pattie and Scooter were in a corner, sharing words and stealing kisses between each other. And Caitlin, was anywhere I wasn’t.

I turned my back to the party when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Startled to think the worst, I quickly turned around and saw that familiar smile. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve had a chance to. My name is Justin. Justin Bieber? Maybe you’ve heard of me?” he said, trying not to laugh and holding out his hand. I grabbed it, and shook, trying not to laugh myself. “Hmm, can’t say I recognize that name. Are you an athlete?” I asked.

He hung his head, letting out a chuckle. “Singer, actually. Yeah I mean I’m kind of a big deal around here.” He said as he pointed to the party behind us. “Well, if you’re such a huge star why you over talking to little ‘ole me?” I asked bringing out my country accent. He took a step n, standing right in front of my face, “You wanna go somewhere a little more quite?” he asked. I pretended to yawn and thrown out my arms, “Oh my. I’m actually quite tired. I was thinking about heading home.”

“Well then, allow me to escort you.” He put his arm out to the side and I hooked mine around it. We walked out the back door, “You know, you look awfully familiar, I swear I’ve seen you somewhere before.” I pointed out ahead of us, “Well I live just only a pool’s length away in that quant little bunk house.” I said still trying not to laugh. “Well you’re not far at all. Maybe we can meet again, this time for breakfast.” We went right up to the door. Justin pushed me up against it, putting off his weight onto me, only inches from my face.

“I must say, you sure know how to walk a girl home.” He didn’t say anything back, he leaned in, brushing the hair that fell over my shoulders and kissing my neck ever so lightly.

He stood back up, and kissed my hand. “Goodnight Miss.” He started to turn around, heading back for the house. “You know…” I started to shout out. “You could come in for a bit if you wanted.” I said, biting my lip. He turned back around; “I thought you’d never ask!” and we both ran inside like little kids, locking the door behind us.

Photo

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 17:18:04 -0400